Harper

 

    Sunday I did something I had not done in a very long time. I played my harp at church.

    C and I are sometimes asked to play a hymn during our worship service and at holiday worship services. C plays a guitar and I play either my hammered dulcimer or my 21 string lap harp. Most of the time I play the dulcimer. The last time we were asked to provide music, C wanted to play the hymn 'Be Still My Soul'. We had played it a long time ago and we did a good job. I was nervous about playing it because I play it on the harp. 

   I can't remember exactly how long it had been since I played the harp at church. I remembered that I wanted to play 'Angels We Have Heard on High' and thought that it would sound best on a harp. (I couldn't resist playing a song about angels on a harp.) The challenge with playing the harp is the hand tremors I have. They aren't bad most of the time, but being nervous makes the tremors worse. At that time playing in church made me nervous so my hands shook a lot. I felt confident that I could play so C and I practiced and practiced. I wasn't as good as I wanted to be but I thought it would be all right. I confidently brought my stool and harp to church and we played.

   It didn't go well. My hands shook badly and I missed at least one out of every three notes. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I would continue to play the harp at home only. For church I could play the dulcimer. The hand tremors were not so much of a factor with the dulcimer.

   The past few months I noticed that my hand tremors have not been so bad. Ever since the anemia had been correct it seemed my hands were steadier. Last Christmas we had played a song on dulcimer and guitar and it went better than it had ever gone. Maybe I could play the harp in public again.

  When C decided we would play 'Be Still My Soul', I was a bit apprehensive. For starters, I could not remember the arrangement from that long ago. C and I have to do our own arranging since no one arranges hymns for guitar and my instruments. I don't read music well and C does not read music at all. This means we can't write down our arrangements. We had to rely on memory.

  After some messing around I was able to hit on the chords and the notes that we remembered. For some reason we didn't start practicing until one week before we to play. I was worried. I felt that I needed more time however we had made a commitment and couldn't back out. We improved a lot over that week and by Saturday night I felt better.

  Sunday I walked up the aisle with my harp case slung over my shoulder. I felt confident. We could do this. We set up, did a quick quiet run through and then sat down so the organist could play prelude music.

   When it came out time to play I took off my hat and walked up to the rostrum. I removed my mask so it wouldn't distract me and placed my fingers. C played the into and I began the melody line. My fingers felt like jelly but they didn't feel shaky. During a break when I wasn't playing I pressed my face to the side of my harp and closed my eyes for a second. This was going to be all right.

  C and I both fumbled during the song. Nothing major though and we played right through it. I was satisfied. I could play the harp again. My hands worked. I'm looking forward to the next time.