Purple Scarf

   The last scarf I made in the "Scarf Project" was a purple scarf. (The Scarf Project was five scarves that I knitted, one scarf for each stepdaughter and one for my daughter-in-law.) It was made for my youngest stepdaughter Carmen.
  It was by far the best scarf of the five, not because I was favoring anyone. It was because my skill and confidence grew with each scarf. I learned what worked and what didn't. I made some mistakes, I mean design elements. I've been told that is what happens in parenthood too.
  I was very proud of that scarf. I was looking forward to giving it to Carmen and also a little scared. Carmen tends to be careless with her possessions. I was debating not giving it to her, but to keep it until a better or different time. I decided against this and send it along with C when he went to visit her.
  I had asked him to take a picture of Carmen and the scarf.  He did. He told me that she liked it. I was happy. The shade I'd chosen complimented her skin tone. I was satisfied.
  A few weeks ago Carmen was kicked out of her apartment. I didn't know if she would take the scarf with her or just leave it. I mused aloud about this to C.
  "I didn't want to tell you this," C said. He continued, "A week after she got it, she left it in a bar."
   I was a little upset, but tried to cover it up. It was really stupid of me to be upset anyway. I had hoped that maybe Carmen would appreciate all the work that went into that scarf. I knew better. If I had purchased it in a high end store with a ritzy name, she perhaps would have cared more. As it stands it was some silly thing that her stepmother made and was truly of no value. She could always get another scarf.
  I knew this. It's one of the things that has always bugged me about Carmen. She loses things or gives them away and then expects them to be replaced. Why I thought that some magic would happen and she'd appreciate a handmade scarf was beyond me.
  It made me think of a line I read in a book once. It was along the lines of, if you prepare a meal of food that I don't like and serve it to me when I'm not hungry, why should I be thankful? I had made something that she didn't ask for, knowing she wouldn't care. Expecting gratitude or appreciation was not going to happen.
  I really hope the scarf was picked up by someone and not tossed in a dumpster somewhere. Maybe the person who picked it up was cold and grateful for the warmth of the scarf.  Perhaps the one who got it looked at it and realized it was hand knit. Maybe they liked the pattern I chose. It could be that the scarf was never really meant to be Carmen's. Someone else out there needed it more.
  If you are the person who went to a bar in Minneapolis and left with a purple hand knit scarf that has wave patterns on it, I hope you like it. I hope that it keeps you warm and makes you feel good. It was made with love and good wishes that are yours now. You can wash it in the washing machine on the gentle cycle and air dry it. With care it should last you a good many years. Enjoy it, maybe I really made it for you.