Modesty

  Several months ago I saw an article on Yahoo about modest wedding dresses.  They showed numerous pictures of wedding gowns with sleeves of various lengths and comments on each gown. All of the brides looked beautiful and happy, tasteful and elegant. I thought that sometime I might write an column about modesty.
  I kept the thought in the back of my mind and never acted on it until I saw a picture on Facebook that one of my stepdaughters liked. It said, "When you interrupt a girl's school day to force her to change clothes or send her home because her shorts are too short or her bra straps are visible, you are telling her that making sure boys have a "distraction free" learning environment is more important  than her education. Instead of shaming girls for their bodies, teach boys that girls are not sexual objects."
  I wanted to comment on this to say that requiring girls to dress a bit more modestly for school is not about shaming them. It is about learning to wear appropriate attire in certain situations. I looked at comments from other people advocating for modesty and how they were dismissed as shamers and anti girl. I decided not to comment on the Facebook page.
  Now seems to be a good time to tackle the subject of modesty.
  It seems to me that modesty is becoming one of those  antiquated out of date values along with civility and kindness. Instead of being viewed as a respectful form of dress or an appropriate form of dress it is considered repressive to women. Advocating modesty is seen as shaming women for their bodies.
  One of the complaints about modesty is that it doesn't apply to men. I can understand where that does seem unfair. The truth is, men's clothing does not have as many variations as women's clothing does. There is no male equivalent of the daisy duke cut shorts. Kilts are made in only one length so it's not like men are able to wear a mini-skirt. Since men can go without shirts, shirts that are cropped or transparent are not that big of a deal. The only immodest garment ( that I know of) made for men is the Speedo.
  Another compliant is that a woman should be able to wear whatever she wants and not be judged by her appearance. That associating loose behavior with high hems and plunging necklines is wrong. I would agree. In an ideal world everyone would be judged by who they are and not how they look. We don't live in that world and women and men are judged by how they look all of the time.
   Advocating modesty is sometimes thought of as catering to men and boys so they won't be tempted or distracted by the sight of female flesh. People who argue against modesty will say that men need to learn not to react to what they see.
  The fact of the matter is, men are visual creatures. They tend to react to what they see. This isn't a cop out excuse, this is biology. I agree that men should engage their frontal lobes,control themselves and not be affected by what they see. That's not reality. While many men are able to act like gentlemen, there are some who do not. Playboy, Penthouse and so called "gentleman's clubs" make lots of money off these men.
  Modest dress is many times considered unbecoming dress. I disagree. I've watched old movies and have seen some women who were completely covered and still managed to look elegant and attractive. My favourite example of modest dress is the traditional Indian women's dress. A woman dressed in that fashion is covered from below the neckline to above the ankles. I've never seen anyone who looked bad dressed like that. Japanese kimonos are also modest and lovely to look at.
  Modest dress doesn't take away individual expression. There is a world of ways to accessorize an outfit. I wear hats and also scarves. It is possible to be modest and still stand out.
  I lament the fact that modesty is going out of style. Along with it is going a standard of behavior and it feels like our society is becoming cruder in the process.