What You tell Yourself

   One of the topics in last week's Relief Society lesson was what we say to ourselves. It was pointed out that many times we say things to and about ourselves that we wouldn't say to people we know or strangers.
  I've written and joked about this before. How I'm unable to take a compliment. How I'd rather dive under the floor than be recognized even if I deserve the recognition.
  I've been mentally chewing on this subject for the last few days. There are so many messages out there that can chip away at the self esteem of anyone. You need to be seen here. You need to wear this. You need to make this much money, hold this much power and act this way if you expect people to like you or pay attention to you. You need to be thinner, blonder, handsomer and read this book if you want to be happy. If you are a woman and have children you should do this or do that in order to have a healthy, happy family. If you work outside the home you should be at home with your kids. If you work inside the home you should be out working and contributing.
  I looked around at all the women in the room. They could all relate to this. All of them at one point in time have bad mouthed themselves either silently or out loud. It made me a little sad because they are a bunch of good women. I've become acquainted with a few of them. They are funny, smart, spiritual and just interesting to talk to.
   When I was in high school I was bullied. It went on pretty much unchecked for all four years. It left me with a few scars and important lesson. I could not control the bullies. They were going to do what they wanted when they wanted and no one was interested in stopping them. What I learned is that I was not completely powerless. They could take my lunch, toss my books into a garbage can and shoot spitballs at me during class. They couldn't control me. I had a choice. I could either believe that I deserved to be treated badly or I can believe that it is them. I can let them destroy me or I can keep going. I could give them the power to ruin my life or not. I can let them decide who I'm going to be  or I can decide who I'm going to be.
  I knew that one day I was going to graduate and then I would be free of the bullies. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life wallowing in the bad feelings that they had caused. Four years was all the time I was going to give them. Then I was going to move on and leave them behind.
  All of this hinged on what I told myself. I had to tell myself that what they were doing was on them. I wasn't responsible for what they did.
  This has helped a great deal. Over the years I 've been criticized, called all sorts of names and been told that as a pharmacist I poison people. When the criticism seems justified I think about it, learn from it and try to do better. The rest of the time I tell myself, "It's not my problem." I'm not going to let someone else make me feel worthless or stupid.
  In the interest of fair disclosure I have to say that I'm not perfect at this. There are times when someone says something and I let it bother and eat at me. There are times when I beat myself up for things I should have done better. I don't always follow my own advice. I keep trying.
  It's not easy to change, but it can be done. One way to start is to think about what you say to yourself. It you wouldn't say it exactly that way to someone else, then don't say it to yourself. One person I know tries to say two positive things for every negative thing she says to herself or others.
  There's a lot of things that can tear you down. Find things that help build you up. Then you can help others to stand as well.