Sophie's Tips for a Happy Marriage

   Last weekend C and I were walking around the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum. There are usually a lot of weddings on Saturdays during the summer. We counted five different gardens with chairs set up for weddings. I like looking at the brides, grooms and wedding parties as they pose for pictures at the various gardens.
  Two thoughts go through my mind. Thought one is,what a lovely day to get married. Thought two is,thank God I will never have to do that again. Once was enough for me. I will never have to cram myself into a big white dress and cover my head with a veil that looks like mosquito netting ever again.
   I sometimes wonder if the couple knows what they are getting into. Did they date for a long time? Is this a first marriage for both of them? Was it love at first sight or was it a friendship that blossomed into love?
  I'm standing here from my vantage point of nine years (as of tomorrow) of marriage. I think that's long enough  to be able to give credible advice on marriage. If I could gather those brides together for a nice cold drink and a little talk before they walk down the aisle,these are a few things I would share.
  Be friends. Hopefully the person that you are marrying is your friend as well as your love. Friendship is the best way to start out. It is a good foundation for what comes after. If you are friends you genuinely like each other and can work together. Friendship is like a solid rock that can withstand storms and rain. A rock can absorb the light of the sun and will be warm even on the cold days.
  You are going to fight and argue. There's no way around it. When you live with someone long enough there will be disagreements. You will each get angry at each other. (Don't shake your head at me like that. I know what I'm talking about.) When you get angry and fight there are a few things you should NEVER do. Don't throw your partner's past in his face. Don't call him names. Don't use personal insults or threats. Don't hit him, kick him or get in his face. (Guys, don't ever tell her that she is just like her mother.) Call a time out and calm down. Once you are both calm, talk about what is going on. If you have said or done something hurtful apologize sincerely and explain how you will try to do better. IF you have been hurt by your husband's words or actions, forgive him. Really forgive him. Remember that there was something about him that made you want to spend the rest of your life with him.Then both of you move on. Do not rehash or use the fight as ammunition down the road.
   He is going to irritate you. You are going to irritate him. This is also something that is inevitable. Try to remember that for every irritating habit he has you most likely have one that irritates him.
  Do what you say you are going to do. If you say you are going to do the dishes or vacuum the carpet, do it. Get it done as soon as you can. If you can't get to it right away, let him know. Thank him when he does something you have asked him to do. Don't underestimate the power of gratitude.
   Hold hands as much as possible,in the grocery store, in the park at the Laundromat. Hold hands over the table at a nice restaurant, over a burger at Culver's, over a banana split at Dairy Queen. Hold his hand like you mean it. Keep holding hands. There is nothing cooler than an older couple who has been married for 30,40, 50 years who still hold hands.
  Say "I love you" every day. Be sure you mean it when you say it. Make a game out of it. Learn how to say it in a foreign language. Try using an accent. Tell him you love him when he doesn't expect it. Tell him that you love him at times when maybe he thinks he isn't so lovable. Don't say, "Me too". Say the whole sentence. I love you. End it with a big lip smack on the cheek. Whisper it into his ear when you fall asleep at night. Don't assume that he knows. Tell him.
  Show him that you love him. Treat him as you would want to be treated. Random acts of kindness don't have to be limited to strangers. Do random acts of kindness to your husband.
  If possible have separate bathrooms. That way you can enjoy a quiet bubble bath without worrying about him having to come in to..... well, I don't think that I need to elaborate on this.
  I could go on and on but I think this is enough. Go find your bridesmaids, get into your dresses and get out there. Be sure to look around and enjoy your day. Don't worry if everything isn't perfect. At the end of the day you'll get to go home with your closest friend, the man that you love and you will have made your first step on your journey through life together.

Dedicated to my beloved C. I can't promise it will be easy and I can't promise it will always be fun, but I can promise that you will never be bored.

Happy Anniversary!