The Memorial Service

 

            Mom's memorial service took place yesterday. A small group of us gathered to pray and give thanks for having Mom in our lives. It was a good service as would have been expected from my siblings who planned it. There was a lot of singing which I found amusing as Mom in her younger years didn't like music. It was only when she got older that she enjoyed listening to songs and singing although she would admit she didn't sing very well.

            I did the first reading which was a compromise. My brother immediately vetoed the two choices I made. While I didn't really think the psalm he chose was the best one, I was not willing to fight with him about it. We'd had way too much contention in our family over the years and I decided I wasn't going to be the source of any more.

            The minister gave a good sermon using information my siblings had given him.  Given that he only personally knew my parents for around three years, it was very good. My brother gave the eulogy  and showed his skill as a public speaker. 

        Here is where things get a bit uncomfortable for me. between The sermon and the talk painted a glowing picture Mom as a hard working woman who did everything for her family and worked hard to build a beautiful life with her husband. It painted a one dimensional picture of a woman who was much more interesting. She was raised by a family of recent immigrants who came here from the old country for a better life. She was a woman who started businesses and conquered fears to get things done. The following are a few things I wish had been mentioned.

        Mom wasn't happy raising her children far from her family. She wanted us to have the experience of growing up among cousins and aunts and uncles the way she had grown up. Since she couldn't have that, she did what she could do. She worked which provided money for things like dance and piano lessons. She walked beans and detassled corn in the hot sun in the summer and worked in the greenhouse. Both our parents provided for us and we were raised by our mom and our dad.

        She went to college because she realized that if something had happened to Dad, she didn't have the skills needed to get a job to support us.  Going back to school nearly 15 years after high school graduation was tough especially when she'd been told she wasn't smart when she was younger. She worked hard and got her degree with honors. She set a good example for her daughters.

        She didn't get to use this degree but that didn't stop her. She learned massage therapy which lead to studying muscle therapy and different techniques to help people with all kinds of muscle related challenges. She overcame her fear of flying and severe motion sickness to travel to places where classes were held. Several people came up to me yesterday to tell me how Mom had helped them and others using the skills she worked hard to acquire.

        As she got older and Alzheimer's began to take hold, Mom liked to be creative. She enjoyed painted with the help of a friend of mine and had several good pictures. She enjoyed diamond art even if she didn't follow the colours that were indicated on the canvas. She liked to colour and went through a lot of colouring books. For a short period of time she tried to draw using a book I gave her. She enjoyed baking cookies and making our weekly lunch of pasta salad.

        This is a bit more rounded picture of my mom, a woman who loved eating chocolate, looking for ducks on the pond and spending time with her grandchildren. This is more like the woman I knew.