A Change in Perspective

   I like to watch weddings. I admit it. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. I especially like to watch weddings involving European ruling families. I like the pageantry and ceremony. I like looking at the clothes and especially the hats.

  A few weeks ago I found a video of British royal weddings from the 20th century. It started with the wedding of Mary, Princess Royal to Henry Lascelles, 6th Earl of Harewood and ended with Prince Andrew's wedding to Sarah Ferguson. (They didn't include the 1999 wedding of Prince Edward and Sophie Rhys-Jones which I thought was unfair.)

  One wedding that was given much time than the others was the July 1981 wedding of Charles, Prince of Wales and Lady Diana Spencer. It was interesting to see the footage and commentary from this wedding that occurred nearly 39 years ago. 

  I will fully admit that I was one of those starry eyed girls who watched the wedding on TV early in the morning. I saw Lady Diana riding in a coach with her father barely visible and swathed in tulle. I watched her get out of the carriages and walk up the stairs of St Paul's Cathedral in London. She looked every inch a princess to me. Her dress had a tight bodice,a full skirt and puffy sleeves. The dress had lace and ruffles and was very elaborate. Then there was that train, that very long and elaborate train. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. She even has a tiara that sparkled just like a princess's tiara should. I thought that if I were ever to get married I would want a dress similar to it.

  As she walked down the aisle on the arm of her father she carried a large cascading bouquet of white flowers. It was Cinderella, Snow White and every other fairly tale come to life. This was really happening.

  I smiled as the bride mixed up the groom's names. It can happen when there are four names to contend with. I also remember that he flubbed one of his lines too. The whole thing was just so romantic. The carriage ride back to the palace, the appearance on the balcony where he kissed her hand and then a kiss on the lips. After the wedding breakfast she changed into a beautiful peach dress with hat and a pearl choker and rode off with her prince to happily ever after.

  Except it wasn't. We didn't know that then, but we know it now.

  I look back over that wedding footage with the admiring commentary and feel really sorry for both of them. It wasn't the fairly tale romance that many of us thought is was. To me, now, it almost looks like an arranged marriage.Two people who went into a marriage because their families thought it would be a good match, not because they had strong feelings for each other.

   Diana had just turned 20 when she was married. I'm not sure I would have been mature enough to marry at age 20 and I didn't come from a broken home as Diana did. There was a 13 year age difference between her and Prince Charles. That alone is a big gap. She was young during the 60s and 70s. He was young during the 50s and 60s as well as being raised in a very conservative manner. The culture in those decades was very different. 

   There were differences in education. Diana had what I would consider to be a basic high school education. Charles studied at Cambridge and at the University College at Wales and has a Bachelors of Arts degree. After that he served in the Royal Navy until 1976. Meanwhile Diana worked as a teacher several jobs including being a nanny and working as a nursery school teacher's assistant. 

  The worst part of all of this was that Charles was in love with someone else. He would have married his first love, but at that time it was not thought suitable for the heir to the throne to marry someone who wasn't at least an aristocrat. Diana was considered the perfect spouse. She was beautiful she was charming and she came from the right kind of family.

  Now when I look at her alighting from her carriage to go into the church. I notice that the big skirt and long train are badly wrinkled. No one gave thought to the fact that there wasn't enough room in the carriage for all that cloth and two people. That lovely princess wedding dress that I so admired then I was young looks too big for her now. I sometimes wonder if she chose all these over the top things because she had her own princess dreams. Did she know what she was getting herself into? Maybe she wanted to stand out. Maybe she wanted to start out with a bang on her career of royal work. Maybe she wanted to shine. 

   I'm not sure she knew what she was getting herself into. I don't think anyone really does when they get married. I wonder if what she thought it would be like the newsreels of garden parties, charity events and ship christenings. 

  Being married to someone with whom you have few things in common is not easy. It's even harder when you are a public figure and much harder when everyone wants the happily ever after. It's incredibly difficult when the other party is not really committed. I think Charles did like Diana and maybe even loved her as best he could, but his heart was with someone else. My opinion was that Diana wanted to be loved totally by her spouse and it just didn't happen. They got divorced.

   We all know the ending to this story. Diana was killed in a horrible car wreck 23 years ago this coming August. Charles went on to marry his first love and live a happy life. I was among those who really disliked Charles for the way he behaved at the end of their marriage. Now my perspective has changed a bit. I still wish he had not been unfaithful. If they had been a private couple they could have divorced, co parented their children and been happy, but they weren't. It's too bad.....