Greta

   There has been a lot of articles and opinions about social media and its advantages and disadvantages. Studies have shown that users of various types of social media have a detrimental effect on mental health. To me it's a no brainer. If you spend all your time socializing online and don't get out to meet real people it does bad things to you. Then there's the whole issue of cyberbullying, which means that a victim literally has no safe place to go since the bullies can follow via phone or tablet.

   Sometimes, the internet can help bring people together. I've experienced this several times. I've found a few people that I had lost touch with over the years. My latest experience was this past week. I'd like to share it.

   Several weeks ago, I peeked at one of my accounts. I saw a work anniversary for Greta Oldenburg. I knew Greta from many many years before. I dated her older brother for about four years. We'd met once after the breakup when I was engaged to C. Life took us in different directions and I lost touch.

   For grins and giggles I sent Greta a message of congratulations and asked her how she was doing these days. I didn't expect to hear from her, but I did. She told me that she was well and that her son was married and her daughter was engaged. She also sent her phone number and asked me to give her a call to catch up.

   For a few days I pondered the wisdom of this. After all, I believe when you break up with someone that means you cut all ties. However, I really liked Greta. Toward the end of my relationship with her brother, I liked her better than I liked her brother. One hard thing about the breakup was the fact that she would be out of my life. That was a bigger loss than that of the boyfriend.

   Her son was married now. I couldn't believe it, was little Jack actually old enough to be married? I did the math in my head. He was about seven or eight when I broke up the the XBF. C and I had been together for 16 years and there was one year between the breakup and the time I met C. Yes, Jack was definitely old enough to be married.

   I decided that enough time had gone by. It would be safe to call. One night, I picked up the phone and tried to call. I say tried because I realised that she left the last number of her phone number off. I sent her a message saying the last digit was missing. She answered with the whole number.

  A few more days went by. I was busy and didn't have time to call. Finally I had a night free. I picked up the phone and called. She answered.

   It took us an hour and a half to catch up. After all 15 years is a long time. She survived one bout of cancer and then had a relapse. She was taking medication to slow the growth of the cancer and so far it is under control. She no longer worked as a cook at the local school. She is still in food service,but someplace else. Her husband Pat was well and still had his own business. 

   I asked about her parents and her other siblings. Her younger brother was still married and had three children. Her younger sister also married and had a child. The was a surprise to me. Babs had been with this guy since she was 16. They had made it clear they did not believe in marriage. The oldest brother had been a truck driver and died in an accident. Her parents were older and getting more frail, but still lived in the same house.

   I didn't ask about the XBF. I was afraid it would be awkward. I also didn't want to seem nosy. Greta said that he had bought a house in a nearby suburb. I was kind of surprised to hear about that. I would have thought that he'd get another apartment. It could be that it was actually less expensive to buy. It seems like he had two pods and a truckful of stuff that he moved. Apparently nothing much had changed with him.

  Even though both of us had to go to work early the next day we chatted a bit more. She asked me about a time I drove to LaCrosse to pick up the XBF from something. Finally Greta said she had to get off the phone. I agreed. She hoped that we might get together sometime. I suggested a dinner for the four of us, so she could meet C. I told her I was happy to talk to her again. I told her that I missed her after the breakup. She told me that she thought her brother had really blown it with me. We both said goodnight and hung up.

   I must admit, it did feel good to hear her say that her brother had blown it with me. The truth was we never were a good couple. He became emotionally abusive and I took it for a few years before finally tiring of the abuse. 

   Some good did come out of it though. I learned a lot. I have more compassion for abused women and maybe....just maybe..... I have regained a friend.