A Realistic Picture of Love

   One of the most popular Bible verses used at weddings comes from 1 Corinthians 13. Verses 4-7 are most commonly used. "Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful;  it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
   Since it is so popular, I insisted that we use another reading at our 2004 civil wedding. Besides the fact that most weddings I've attended had some version of these verses included in the ceremony, there is another reason why I didn't want it. I believe it paints an unrealistic picture of what love is. Now I know what many of you are going to say. The reason why these verses are so appropriate at weddings is that this is the ideal that we all should try to attain.
   I can understand that. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I'm too much a realist for things like 1 Corinthians 13.
   I don't believe that it is possible for humans to not be irritated with each other at some point in time. I also don't believe that it is possible to completely eliminate selfishness, unkindness, impatience and resentfulness in a marriage and that's all right. 
   While it is a part of marriage to aspire to 1 Corinthians 13, I think another part of marriage is how we respond when our spouse isn't patient, loving or tolerant. I'm not talking about abuse. I'm talking about someone who eats in the living room and leaves the plate on the coffee table. I'm talking about someone who is always late. Common things like not emptying the dishwasher, not putting dirty clothes in the hamper not vacuuming the carpet or taking out the trash. How we deal with things like this matters a lot. Many a relationship has been eaten away by the termites of food wrappers laying around, too much time spent on video games and cell phones or not enough time spent together.
  In the interest of fair disclosure, I do like the little romantic things that C give me. I appreciate the box of locally made chocolates that he gives me every Valentine's Day and Easter. I like the fact that remembers that I like lavender roses. I appreciate the string of pearls he gave me for Christmas and the beautiful iolite ring he gave me for our tenth wedding anniversary.
   More than these things I appreciate the way he supports me. I still remember the one big panic attack I had and how he held me and told me I was going to be all right. I like that he's confident when I'm not. He doesn't mind that I knit when watching movies on TV,  that I dance vigorously to '80s music and don't wear makeup.
   These are the important things to me. This is how real love is. It's holding hands when grocery shopping. It's telling your spouse that they look good. It's pulling together when things get tough. It's apologising after an argument and meaning it. It's forgiving and forgetting. It's being grateful for all the things that your spouse has brought into your life. 
  I feel lucky and blessed to have C in my life. He isn't always patient and sometimes can be a bit inconsiderate, but he can say the same for me. He's brought more good into my life than bad, more joy than sorrow and more love than I could have imagined. It's not the loftiness of 1 Corinthians 13, but it's real. That's just fine with me.