Mean What You Say

  There's a part of me that wants to write about a certain group protesting here in the Twin Cities lately. I'm fighting the urge because most likely I'd get into trouble with someone. I can, on some level, understand their frustration and belief that they are being belittled and marginalized. What I don't understand is how they think their current methods of protest are going to help. So far all I see is that they are angering people and creating unsafe conditions for themselves and others.
  Today I'm going to write about a pet peeve that lives in my "kennel of irritations", to use a phrase from a Whoopi Goldberg quote.
  One of the thing I don't like about society in general is that many of us say things we don't really mean. We say things like "love you" and "I'm sorry" when we don't really mean them.
  The fact that this is a pet peeve probably has to do with the writer in me. Overusing phrases like "I'm sorry" tends to cheapen them, at least to my way of thinking. It also has to do with the fact that I don't like being lied to on any level. Saying "I love you" when your actions demonstrate that you don't, makes me less likely to trust you.
  I notice this especially in my own family. The phrase "I love you." or " love you" tends to get said a lot. Most of the time it's being said by someone we don't hear from unless that person needs something or is in trouble. It's pretty obvious to me that the speaker doesn't mean it. Actions speak very loudly.
   I'm sure the person doesn't realize that it is all right to simply like somebody. I'm perfectly all right with being liked. Liked is a good thing. If you honestly say that you like or admire me, that's just fine. You don't have to pretend to something you really don't feel.
  The same goes with "I'm sorry". Don't tell me you're sorry if you're not. I'll forgive you either way. (although if it is something really bad it may take a little time) An insincere apology, to me, is worse than no apology at all.
  I know where some of this comes from. Many of us were taught to say such things because it is good manners to do so. Back in the day, when children did something wrong like take a toy away from another child or hit someone, the parent marched the child back to the person that they hurt and said, "Say you're sorry". Sometimes the child is sorry, but I think most of the time the child is sorry that they were caught. Once the required "I'm sorry " was uttered then the matter was settled. As time goes on it becomes a habit, nothing more.
  I'm sure that there are a few out there who will tell me I'm taking this too seriously. I don't care and I refuse to apologize. A few years back there was a popular book called, "The Four Agreements" One of them was, "Be impeccable with your word". It's a lofty expectation, as impeccable means without a flaw or perfect according to my trusty American Heritage Dictionary. However I do think it is a standard we should work toward because integrity, which means to be sound or whole, is a good thing.
  It's an important quality to have especially for those who seek to be leaders. It seems that most of those who wish to lead believe it is best say things that will grab headlines rather than be honest. It's better to be fake and popular than honest and obscure.
  The first of the Four Agreements is being impeccable with your word. I believe that it is listed first because it is the most important. Words are powerful. Learning to be honest in their use can change lives. I know that things would be better in our family if we meant what we said.


PS I took a break from writing and read an article about how shutting down malls and highways is a good move for the protestors. The way this is supposed to work is that more people will get upset and put pressure on legislators etc. to take the demands of the protestors seriously and make the changes the protestors are asking for. Maybe it's just me, but this tactic seems to be backfiring...