Time to hang it up

   Normally I approach intern season with joy and excitement. Teaching is one of the things I like to do. Intern season presents me a chance to do more of it.
  This year was different. I was not excited. I was not looking forward to it. Some of it had to do with the current staffing situation at my store. Last year two of our techs left for other positions. While I understood why each of them left I was sad. We had working relationship among us. We made a great team.
  One of the techs we hired worked for another store. She had left to take a job and found that she missed working in a store. We were glad to have her. She was experienced and she fit right in.
  We hired the second tech at the beginning of the year. That's not a good time for a new person to start. It's a busy time in a pharmacy. She didn't really have anyone to train her and had to figure out a lot on her own. She had also been out of the workforce for a few years while her daughter was young and she struggled because of that as well. We were still able to do the job, but we were not the smoothly working unit we used to be.
   I put in my schedule for taking interns like I usually did. I thought that we were just going thought the growing pains that happen with new staff. It would be better in the summer.
  Intern season was approaching and nothing much had changed. We were still able to serve our customers, but the atmosphere was gone. Instead of working like a well oiled machine, it felt like we were sputtering and chugging along. We were still moving, but not efficiently. Instead of approaching intern season with a sense of excitement, I felt a sense of dread. I wanted to give them a positive experience. I didn't see how that could happen. Part of my success as a preceptor depends on my staff. My staff needs to be able to work without needing constant direction. They need to do everything they can do so I am free to do the things only a pharmacist can do and work with my intern.
   I had made a commitment and couldn't back out. When the interns started their rotations I did what I usually do. I gave out daily assignments and went over them at the end of the shift. A lot of the teaching that I do tends to happen while the intern and I work together. Sometimes things will come up where I can show the intern something. The intern follows me when I interact with customers. Very little of that happened this year.
   I didn't feel like I was providing a solid educational experience. I didn't like how things were going. I was frustrated.
   A month ago we found out that Rae, one of our techs, needed to have foot surgery. She would be out on medical leave for a month or more. It was almost time for the last intern to start. We were going to be seriously short staffed. I wondered if I should contact Experiential Education and let them know I could not take the last intern. I didn't think it would be fair to her to come into my store like this. I thought about it for several days. The problem was, there may not be anyplace else for her to go. I had made a commitment. I had to at least try. I prayed I had made a good choice.
   I was starting to think it was time hang it up. Maybe my run was over. I couldn't in good conscience take interns if I was not equipped to give them a good experience. As much as I liked teaching, maybe I should quit before I became the site that no one wanted.
  I struggled with this while I worked with my last intern. It was easier to do the little on the spot teaching moments with her. We had good conversations about several topics while working. I felt better about her experience. It wasn't what I would have wanted, but it was better than I had hoped.
  At the end of the intern's second week, I got a visitor. It was Lauri, an intern from last year. She was in the area and wanted to say hi. I introduced her to my current intern. Lauri told the intern about the positive experience that she had and that she uses some of the things I taught her. The next day I got a phone call. It was Delaine. She was another intern from last year. She wanted to say hi and to thank me. She had applied to a residency program and I wrote a letter of recommendation. She was waiting to hear if she had been accepted. She also wanted to know how I was doing.
  I was suprised to hear from both of them. No interns had ever come back like that before. I was glad to hear from them and to know that they were doing well. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe it wasn't time for me to hang it up.
  The end of the intern's last week came. I dismissed her and thanked her for her help and understanding. I walked back to the pharmacy with a feeling of relief. It was over. I had done the best that I could.
  Yesterday I got an email from my last intern. She told me that when she decided to be a pharmacist she wanted to be one who would have a good relationships with her patients. She thanked me for my example which reminded her of this desire. She said she wanted to be like me in that respect.
   I looked at the email again. She sent it on her own. It was not in reply to anything I had sent.
   This was the third time I had someone I taught tell me that I'd done a good job. Once could be a coincidence, but not three times. Maybe it was not time for me to quit. Maybe there was another lesson I needed to learn this year. I think I should reconsider hanging it up.......