Microaggression

   I was surfing the internet when I ran into an article about microaggression. The writer mentioned a photo campaign called "I, Too, Am Harvard" It features pictures of minority students at Harvard College with questions or comments that are sometimes aimed at them.
  I had never heard the term microaggression before. I've looked at several definitions from several places. It's small verbal slights that can be either intentional or unintentional. It's easier to give an example than to define. In the book, In a Heartbeat, there's a good example. "I'm gonna be real honest with you: people ask some stupid questions. You can tell the short school bus picked them up." Doesn't seem real offensive, does it? To me, it is. A word of explanation for those who may not understand. In the days before mainstreaming became more common, special education (aka special needs students) were picked up for class in a separate school bus. Since there were usually not many students in this class, it was a small bus. It looked like a regular school bus, but shorter. She's essentially using the word "retarded" as an insult without using the word itself.
  Why do I find this offensive? I'm a former special education student. I never had to ride the short bus. I took regular classes with all the other kids. I also had to go for special help in math and writing. Any implication that a special ed student is stupid truly offends me. I'm not stupid nor were any of my special ed classmates.
  I looked up microaggression on a search engine. There were many sites. One of them listed examples of microaggression from different sources. I read through several of them. It made me feel sick, sad and scared. Sick at the thought that there is so much of this. Sad at the thought that so many people are hurt by this. Scared of anyone that I don't know.
  A challenge of microaggression is that the person who is being microaggressive may not realize it. I'm sure the writer of the quote I used didn't realize that she was equating special education with stupidity. Another challenge is that microaggressive is in the eye of the beholder so to speak. When I first started working I had customers questioning whether I was actually a pharmacist because I didn't look old enough. I sometimes had men try to ask me out while I was at work. This week I explained an insurance problem to a customer. He came in the next day and spoke to my manager who told him the same thing I had the day before. There are those who would probably say that I should feel flattered that I look younger than my age and am considered attractive. There are those who would also say I shouldn't take it personally when someone wants a second opinion from my manager.
  The fact is that I'm not flattered. When I am at work I am a professional. I want to be seen as a professional. No one hits on my manager (who is male) and no one has ever questioned the competence of any man that I've worked with.  I've worked a few good looking and young looking male pharmacists. None of them have been seen as anything other than a professional (as far as I know).
  I'm not quite sure what to make of microaggression. On one hand I can understand what it can do to a person having been on the receiving end of it. On the other hand, I think we are becoming more and more a nation of the easily offended. I worry that instead of reaching out to others we may stay within our own comfort zones because we assume that everyone else is racist,sexist or bigoted in some way. We may elect not to reach out because we simply don't know if an innocent question on our part is going to be considered a microaggressive act to another.
  Where is the line? I'm really not sure. One time C and I were out having dinner when an elderly man came up to us and told C that his daughter was pretty. I leaned over and explained to the man that C and I are married. He looked confused. I pointed at C and said, "This is my husband." The man walked away a bit befuddled. I felt bad for the poor man. Should I have become indignant instead? I was doing some paperwork with an insurance agent. The agent asked me if C and I were legally married. I got mad. I knew what he was thinking. He saw the age gap and the fact that we have two different last names. I brought him a copy of our marriage license. He apologized. Should I have been a bit more forceful? Should I have demanded to speak to the next person up on the chain of command? Should I have insisted that the agent be given some sort of training on how to deal with situations? I don't know.
  In some ways I think that we need to remember that we can only control our reaction to a situation. We should not be unduly influenced by something someone else says. We should not give others the power to decide who we are.
  It's not easy though. It's tough when someone is railing about big pharma or makes the comment, "Better living through chemistry." Trying to ignore someone who makes a remark about "holy underwear" can be well...trying. Telling myself to consider the source when someone says that women who don't have children are selfish is a great exercise of will.
  I'm not sure what to think. I know that I don't want to live my life in fear of everyone. I will just have to do the best I can. I hope that I can give others the benefit of the doubt or at least to be able to ask them, politely, not to say things like that around me.