Thinking Before Speaking
I have a love/hate relationship with communications technology. On one hand I like the ability to get messages to and from people quickly, the ability to write and send this column and the ability to share things and keep up with people who live far away. On the other hand I miss letters, phone calls and worry about people I know who will not use any form of communication that isn't electronic.
While the technology we have does a wonderful job at keeping us in touch with each other, I feel we are losing a few things. One of them is the ability to spell, but that is a topic for another day. Another is the ability to think before speaking.
I first noticed this about a month ago when I saw a story on Yahoo. Actor Ryan Dunn had died in a car accident and film critic Roger Ebert tweeted a comment about drunk driving. The story was about how people were hurt and angered by this remark and felt it was insensitive. At the time of the tweet factors surrounding the accident were unknown. Many people felt he was jumping the gun in calling it a drunk driving accident. (It turned out later that alcohol and speed were both factors.)
We have so many ways of getting a message out quickly now. There is Twitter, Facebook, text messaging, email and other ways. It used to be that you had to find a phone (no cell phones), write a letter (which could take a few days to arrive) or write to the opinion page of a newspaper or magazine (assuming your submission would even be published).
All of these ways had one thing in common, they took time. This is not a bad thing. It forced you to think about what happened or what you want to say. It gave you time to reconsider or to get over anger or hurt.
Now that we have ways of getting messages out almost instantly it is very easy to just text, tweet or email the first thing that comes into your head without stopping to think if it is a smart thing to do. Not only that, but you can also get the offensive message out to several other people who are also free to react.
My favourite example is another story I saw on Yahoo. It was about a engaged woman who spent some times at the home of her future in-laws. After she returned home her fiance's mother sent her an email about many things that the woman had done that the future mother-in-law thought were rude (to put it nicely). The woman shared the email with a few friends who shared it with other people and the next thing you know it was all over the Internet and people everywhere were commenting on it. I don't know if the engagement is off. I wouldn't be surprised if it was.
This didn't have to happen. If the future mother-in-law had to mail a letter it could have given her time to cool off or to discuss the weekend with her son and his fiancee in a civilized manner. The woman would not have been able to share the letter with such a wide audience avoiding more conflict. I'm not saying that the people involved would have patched up their differences and became friends. The fact is that this disagreement got such a wide audience has made the chance of reconciliation much more difficult.
I'm sure some of you are reading the above story and thinking that you would never do such a thing. Are you sure? It's really tempting.
I admit that sometimes I am tempted. It would be so easy to post a sarcastic comment on Facebook or send an email blasting someone who does or says something that you think is out of line. You listen to the voice inside your head that tells you that you have a right to speak out and give the other person what's coming to them.
To combat this I have instituted a one or two hour waiting period. When someone says something that angers me I have to wait one or two hours before I respond. This gives me time to consider if I need to say something and what to say without the initial rush of emotion getting the way. It is time for me to consider if what I say will improve or worsen the situation. Most of the time I let the situation go or I send the person a message privately explaining my feelings and thoughts. I'm certain is has kept me out of trouble many times.
It would be nice if the Internet had a delay mechanism like live TV does. It doesn't though. So, the next time you are tempted to post "Funny, I didn't see the word 'servant' in my job description.", think about it. You never know where it might go.....
I enjoyed a good breakfast with C and Carrie this morning, Later today I plan to do some baking.
While the technology we have does a wonderful job at keeping us in touch with each other, I feel we are losing a few things. One of them is the ability to spell, but that is a topic for another day. Another is the ability to think before speaking.
I first noticed this about a month ago when I saw a story on Yahoo. Actor Ryan Dunn had died in a car accident and film critic Roger Ebert tweeted a comment about drunk driving. The story was about how people were hurt and angered by this remark and felt it was insensitive. At the time of the tweet factors surrounding the accident were unknown. Many people felt he was jumping the gun in calling it a drunk driving accident. (It turned out later that alcohol and speed were both factors.)
We have so many ways of getting a message out quickly now. There is Twitter, Facebook, text messaging, email and other ways. It used to be that you had to find a phone (no cell phones), write a letter (which could take a few days to arrive) or write to the opinion page of a newspaper or magazine (assuming your submission would even be published).
All of these ways had one thing in common, they took time. This is not a bad thing. It forced you to think about what happened or what you want to say. It gave you time to reconsider or to get over anger or hurt.
Now that we have ways of getting messages out almost instantly it is very easy to just text, tweet or email the first thing that comes into your head without stopping to think if it is a smart thing to do. Not only that, but you can also get the offensive message out to several other people who are also free to react.
My favourite example is another story I saw on Yahoo. It was about a engaged woman who spent some times at the home of her future in-laws. After she returned home her fiance's mother sent her an email about many things that the woman had done that the future mother-in-law thought were rude (to put it nicely). The woman shared the email with a few friends who shared it with other people and the next thing you know it was all over the Internet and people everywhere were commenting on it. I don't know if the engagement is off. I wouldn't be surprised if it was.
This didn't have to happen. If the future mother-in-law had to mail a letter it could have given her time to cool off or to discuss the weekend with her son and his fiancee in a civilized manner. The woman would not have been able to share the letter with such a wide audience avoiding more conflict. I'm not saying that the people involved would have patched up their differences and became friends. The fact is that this disagreement got such a wide audience has made the chance of reconciliation much more difficult.
I'm sure some of you are reading the above story and thinking that you would never do such a thing. Are you sure? It's really tempting.
I admit that sometimes I am tempted. It would be so easy to post a sarcastic comment on Facebook or send an email blasting someone who does or says something that you think is out of line. You listen to the voice inside your head that tells you that you have a right to speak out and give the other person what's coming to them.
To combat this I have instituted a one or two hour waiting period. When someone says something that angers me I have to wait one or two hours before I respond. This gives me time to consider if I need to say something and what to say without the initial rush of emotion getting the way. It is time for me to consider if what I say will improve or worsen the situation. Most of the time I let the situation go or I send the person a message privately explaining my feelings and thoughts. I'm certain is has kept me out of trouble many times.
It would be nice if the Internet had a delay mechanism like live TV does. It doesn't though. So, the next time you are tempted to post "Funny, I didn't see the word 'servant' in my job description.", think about it. You never know where it might go.....
I enjoyed a good breakfast with C and Carrie this morning, Later today I plan to do some baking.
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