Goodbye Scamp

 

      It happened slowly. First Scamp started to become a picky eater. It was difficult to find things that he would like. We only bought a few cans of food at a time because he might like something on one day and then refuse to eat it again. He threw up, a lot. We weren't too worried about that. Since he was missing most of his teeth, it was common for him to throw up if he ate too fast.

   We took him to the vet and adjusted his medications. We started giving him nausea meds. He was eating less and less until he finally quit eating except for some cat gravy and butter. It finally got to the point where we had to do what every person who lives with an animal hopes they don't have to do. We had to let him go. 

   We knew it was the right thing. His quality of life had decreased and we did not want him to suffer. We stayed with him to the end, petting him and telling him that we loved him. Two vet techs that worked at the cat clinic and knew Scamp all of his life were with us. 

   Finally it was time to go. We took our empty cat carrier back to our car and went home. The first thing I did was gather the empty food dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I unplugged the cat drinking fountain.  I emptied the water dish we had for Scamp. I put the remains of some tuna we left out for him in the garbage. I gathered his medicines to be taken to the police station for disposal.

  Then it hit me. I don't have a cat anymore.  For the first time in over 25 years I have no cat to take care for. In that moment I realized that much of how I structured my day was build around caring for a cat (or cats). I had no one to feed in the morning and at night. I would not have to clean the litterbox.  There was no cat to groom or to cuddle with. For the last 25 plus years I never left my house without telling the cats to be good  and that I loved them. Every night I said good night and that I would see them in the morning. I have no one to say that to now.

   The house seems empty and quiet. It's so strange because cats are not noisy like dogs can be. (although Scamp was very vocal) All weekend it was hard knowing that Scamp would not be in his cat tree. He isn't going to come into the kitchen to ask for a treat or to mew at us after dinner. He's not going to come into the computer room while I'm writing this and demand attention or lay on the folded wool blanket I have for him. He's not in another room. He's gone.

   I imagine this is how parents feel when their last child has left home. 

   As sad and as brokenhearted as I am, I'm also grateful. Fifteen years is a long time for a cat to live, I don't feel like I didn't have him for long enough. Scamp had a good life and except for the last three weeks he was healthy and able to do what he wanted. I'm grateful for the lessons Scamp taught me about loving when it is hard and persevering. When Colby died Scamp clearly mourned the loss of his companion. I learned how to support someone who mourns in way I don't understand.  When he was older he was a special needs cat and I learned how to meet his needs. 

   C is having a hard time. While I was away at work or doing other things Scamp provided companionship. As much as C might have been annoyed by the meowing and demands for attention, at least he was not at home alone. Now he is. 

   We're going to spend some time cleaning the house. Not much got done the last few weeks. We may do some painting and some repairs we wanted to get done. In time we will adopt another cat or cats. Not to replace Scamp, because he cannot be replaced, but because we have love in our hearts and room in our house. 

  See you later Scamp.

I hope wherever you are, you have found Colby and are stuffing yourself with tuna.

We love you and always will.