Making Space

 

       As we pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store, I saw him. He had left the store and was walking across the parking lot. His hair was a bit thinner and he had gained some weight around the middle. He  plodded his way to the end of the parking lot where his car was parked. I recognized the leather bag that he carried. That had not changed.

   My first instinct was to run him over. Not very charitable on my part, I'll admit it. I've mostly forgiven him, but on very few days, I still resent what he did. I should be a bit more generous to him. I'm sure he was following the orders of someone higher up in the company. He's only a district manager, the ones who have to enforce the decisions made by others higher up.

  Many years ago in an effort to trim the one cost that could be trimmed, corporate decided to cut back on our support staff. At the same time they had recently converted to pharmacy processing software that was much more labor intensive than the old package. I understood  why they had to switch. There were new regulations that needed to be followed and the old software did not have the capability of meeting those requirements. The challenge was that the new software was not as efficient. It took more steps to fill a prescription and that means more time. We were constantly behind in getting things filled.

   In an effort to try to keep up, my manager and I worked 10-12 hour days six days a week. The DM knew about this and did nothing. Finally exhausted and nearly burnt out my manager stepped down and moved into the relief pharmacist pool. A few months later, I resigned. Between the long hours of work and what seemed to be constant badgering on the part of upper management to do more, I could not go on. My work environment was hostile and unsafe.

   I resented the DM because he knew what was going on. He knew and yet did nothing. I had poured everything I had into my job the last several months because I cared about my customers and wanted them to have good service. The DM's response to my resignation was to essentially tell me not to let the door hit my on the way out.  All of extra things I had done to help out, training relief pharmacists, precepting interns and all those extra hours I worked meant nothing. A younger and less expensive pharmacist would take my place. 

   It's a scary thing to be over 40 and looking for a job. It's even scarier when the pharmacist job market is saturated. I managed to find work at two wonderful places that eventually and unfortunately closed and sold to a chain that is already too large. A medical condition that I had ignored worsened to the point where I could no longer ignore it, but it was all right. My employment situation allowed me to take the time off for  surgery and time to recover afterward.

   I heard several times that when a loss occurs in life it sometimes means that space is being cleared for something better. The challenge is that you can't see this at the time. It is easier to see in retrospect. I certainly didn't see that when I left what I thought was a secure full time job. 

   As I watched the DM trudge across the parking lot, I could certainly see it. He had been at work all day. At five o'clock he was making his way back to his car. He might have one more store to visit or he might be done and heading home. Home for him is in one of the northern suburbs which means he most likely will be in the midst of rush hour traffic and will get home close to six.

  I, on the other hand, had spent most of the day with my parents.  C and I visited an elderly woman and brought her some face cream that she likes.  We were stopping at the store to pick up a couple things before going home to make dinner. My drive home would be about five minutes. The night before we had packed meals at Feed my Starving Children. I had recently finished knitting a blanket for a friend's baby. I have a much better and more supportive work environment. I work a few 12 hour days, but no more 13-14 hour days. 

  Space was being cleared for something better. I was able to heal physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I can spend more time with C, more time taking care of my home and more time doing things that I like. (although it doesn't seem like it sometimes.) I am able to visit my parents once a week and help them out.

   I don't like how I was treated on my last few months at that  former job. Much of what happened didn't need to happen. I try not to think about it. It's history and nothing can be done about it. I watched the DM as he got into his car and drove away. For a couple of seconds I felt sorry for him. He looked tired. 

   My moment of sympathy passed. I turned and went into the store. 

Excelsior!