Scamp Plans a Speech

   Hello! This is Skamp!
    Sophie doesn't know it yet, but I am helping her out by writing the column this week. (Don't tell her I did this.)
    Every Thursday morning C and Sophie go to Toastmasters. I'd like to go with them, but then I would have to ride in the car. I don't like riding in cars.  Especially because I have to ride in a cat carrier. It's really not fair. I can sit on a seat just fine. The only challenge would be the seat belt. Maybe that's why I have to ride in the carrier.
   I imagine what it would be like to give a speech. Sophie has practiced enough speeches that I think I know what I would do. One thing I would need is a chair to sit on. I'm tall enough to be seen if the audience is other cats, but if I'm going to address humans a chair would be better. I think that I would not need a lectern. A lectern would block my view. The slanted top would not be good to sit on anyway.
    I would approach the Toastmaster and give his hand a tap with my paw. Since I don't have opposable thumbs, shaking hands is just not possible. I would jump onto the chair, turn around a couple times to make sure that no one is behind me and maybe knead the cushion to make it more comfortable.
   Then I would begin my speech. Maybe I would talk about how cats train humans. I could give a speech on how to make a trip to the cat doctor less annoying. Perhaps I could offer grooming tips or ways that cats like their humans to interact with them. If Colby were giving a speech he could talk about how cats keep their humans safe.
   Wait a minute.... that might not be a bad idea. Not a lecture on keeping humans safe, that's not my job. I could give a speech on my job, which is Chief Therapy Cat. I could talk about all the things that cats do to help their humans. I know that we are beautiful and descended from gods and that should be enough. The fact is that we can and do work to help make the lives of our humans better. That's why we need a lot of sleep. It's hard work.
   This has potential. I can talk about how we act as alarm clocks. How we keep humans from working too hard by laying on top of cell phones and standing in front of computer screens. We warm clothes and towels by laying on them. Some of us hunt mice and other rodents.
   There are cats that warn our humans of bad people that come into the house. Then,there is my job as a therapy cat. I cuddle with my humans and allow them to pet me and groom me. Well, actually I must be groomed often so I look like the amazing cat that I am, still I give the humans the privilege of doing it.
   This really has potential. I'm going to have to think about this. I'm going to write a speech and give it at Sophie and C's Toastmaster group. It'll be worth the ride in the car. I need to start working on it. Right after my nap......