The Present Matters More

   I like looking at the memories that pop up on my Facebook page each day. Some of them are funny, some are baffling and some are insightful. One thing I've noticed the past few days is that my memories include things I've shared. All are pictures of with different sayings. One of them was "I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions." Another is, "You can easily judge the character of a person by how they treat those who can do nothing for them." The last one is, "You have no responsibility for what happened to you as a child. You have complete responsibility for what you do about it now."
   I can guess what prompted me to share those posts. Obviously, I was dealing with someone, or perhaps several someones that were choosing to blame others for actions or choices that they were making now.
   I'm sure that I'm going to get a certain amount of criticism for what I'm about to write. I believe that there is a point where you have to assume control of your life. You have to make your own choices and you have to own those choices.
   This is especially important when a significant event happens in a person's life. It can be the death of someone close or a divorce either yourself or your parents. It can be something like a flood, tornado or hurricane that damages your home and destroys your possessions. It can be a robbery that takes away your sense of safety. It can be assault or abuse by another person either a one time act or over a period of time.
   These are all things that have dramatic effects on people. You're never quite the same after an event like that. things are never exactly the way they were after. I've heard the term "new normal" used and I think it is correct.
   There are  challenges when creating a new normal. One of the biggest challenges is how to manage when you have been victimized by someone else. I admire people like Elizabeth Smart and Michelle Knight who go on to make a life for themselves after they were kidnapped and held against their will. It takes time, sometimes therapy and determination.
   I don't think that most people realize how much work it takes to be a survivor. You have to cope with the defense mechanisms and scars and things you build up around yourself. You have to look forward and have hope which can be really hard when you're having a bad day. It's a process that can take years.
   Being a survivor is a choice. It doesn't mean that what happened to  you doesn't bother you or that you don't remember it or that you don't have moments of anger or regret. It means that you have chosen not to let your future be limited or controlled by something  that happened in your past. It means that you don't let those who hurt you decide who you are and what you can do. Sometimes being a survivor means you have to make this choice every day.
  It doesn't mean you don't have scars. You doesn't mean that you forget what happened. It means that you make your own choices and take control of yourself. It means that the present matters more.