Treating Someone Like a Person

   She told me that the cancer had come back. I was sad for her, but not surprised. I've seen this happen many times before. We've made great strides in cancer treatment, but cancer is a slippery devil. A few cells can hide themselves and slowly grow until one day they pop out of nowhere like unwelcome guests at a surprise party. That wasn't the worst of the news. The cancer had not only come back, it had also spread. It couldn't be cut away, chemoed away or radiated away. Her future had been cut down to a couple of years.
  The next time I saw my tech, Rae, I told her. This customer was one of her favorites. We take good care of all of our customers, but all of us have a couple that we get a bit closer too. I didn't want Rae to be blindsided by this news.
  A few days later the customer came in. Rae went to help her. I listened in on as much as I could. I caught a few snippets here  and there. After the customer left, I asked Rae what had happened.
  The customer had told Rae that she (Rae) was not to use the words, terminally ill, death or pass away around her. Rae said to her, "Can I still call you doorknob?"
  I inwardly flinched as Rae told me about this part of the conversation. I don't advocate calling anyone a doorknob especially someone facing what my customer was facing. What was Rae thinking?! Then it hit me. Rae was onto something.
  The part of the conversation I did hear was that many people were telling my customer to make buckets lists and were treating her as if she were a fragile porcelain doll. She didn't want to sit on the couch and make a list. She wanted to sit on the couch and be alone. She wanted to be treated like a person and not a disease on two legs.
  I've noticed that people act like that around seriously ill people or people or people who have suffered a great loss, like a death of a close family member or a miscarriage. There are those who burst into tears just looking at the person, those who are overly solicitous and those that keep their distance because they just don't know what to do. They're scared that they might hurt the person or upset them. 
  What Rae did was to show the customer that she was not afraid. Rae was going to go on treating her just as she always had. Nothing was going to change except that we might see her more often.
  Sometimes when you have serious stress in your life, you need to take a break from it. I've sometimes asked a friend of mine going through a hard time if they want to go out to lunch. I tell them they can either talk about their troubles or not. It's up to them.
  One thing that might help when you are dealing with a person in crisis is to remember that they are a person. If you don't know what to do for them, ask. I think most of the time they will tell you, just like my customer did. To the best of your ability, treat them as you always have. It's not as hard as you might think and can be very helpful.