Asking for Help

   C and I were looking over my vacation time in preparation for our annual vacation when I realized that I had not heard about the two extra days I requested off. When I contacted the scheduler she told me that there was no coverage available and that I should try to work out the schedule with my boss.
   I felt sick. I told C that maybe he should drive to our destination alone and I would drive up there myself two days later when my vacation started. C didn't think that was practical. It wasn't a good idea to take two cars, especially if we ran into bad weather. The trip there is part of the fun and he didn't want to miss out on that. It was a trip that we had made every year for nine years together and he didn't want to go there without me.
   I tried to explain to him that it was really best to do what I suggested. I didn't want him to miss out on two days of the trip. He stood firm. No. He told me to talk to my boss.
   I didn't want to do that. It's not that I have the boss from heck. I don't. As far as supervisors go , he ranks high on my list of favorites. He would most likely be willing to alter the schedule for me. I had helped him out in the past and he knew that. I just didn't want to ask.
   I don't like asking for help. In fact I hate asking for help. I would rather struggle on alone and unnoticed that ask anyone for help.
  C has chided me on this many times. He tells me that I need to put my stubborn,German pride away.
   It's not pride that keeps me from asking. I wasn't raised to ask for help. I was the one who was supposed to give the help. I was supposed to be strong and independent. Most of the time I lived in places where I didn't know anyone. I didn't think there would be anyone willing to help even if I did ask. There's also a good chance that if I ask for help I will either get a negative answer or someone will say "yes" and then do "no".
  I had also heard others complain about people who ask for help. "She's always got her hand out." "He's never going to learn if you don't stop enabling him." "She thinks she's entitled to everything." "When will he get is own car/use his own money/do it himself." Once in awhile even I have become a bit impatient with people who seem to be unwilling to put out any effort themselves. I never wanted to be thought of as a burden, better to just do it myself. 
   I never wanted to impose on people. Everyone is busy. Asking for help would impolite. The person I asked might feel guilty about saying "no" and will say "yes" but not mean it. I didn't want to make anyone feel bad, better not to ask.
   This time, I didn't have a choice. Like it or not I was going to have to ask my boss for help.
   I worried about it the whole night. I didn't sleep very well. I rehearsed what I was going to say over and over again. I wondered what I would do if he said no. How was I going to manage?
  That day I worked the afternoon shift. I spent the morning writing out thank you notes to the staff for their help with the interns over the summer. I busied myself doing other things. I still worried the entire time.
   It was finally time to go to work. I got ready and tried to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach. I really didn't want to do this.
   The first thing I did was pass out the thank you notes. I had included a small gift card as an expression of gratitude for the work that the staff had done. My boss thought it was kind, but unnecessary. I decided to use that as a lead in to the favor I had to ask. I told him that I needed a favor. One of the techs joked that I had brought a bribe. I laughed and then explained to my boss what I needed. I already had a suggestion for what I thought we could do. It was no problem. He was willing to trade days. We found two days that I could work to trade for the two days that he would cover for me. No problem.
 I took a huge relieved breath. My worrying had been needless. It was going to be all right. Later that day I left C a message that I had arranged the needed days off and all was well. I was grateful. This time it had worked out.