Cuss words

   My friend, Paul, sent me an email that was supposed to contain some pictures. When I noticed that there were none attached, I sent him a reply to that effect. The answer I received started out with one word, "brazzlefratz". I had never heard the word before. I like it.
  One of the things I'm trying to do is be more mindful of my language. I am quite capable of using some rather unSophielike language on occasion. This isn't a good idea especially when grandchildren are around as they are notorious for copying what you say.
  When I was in junior high, I spent a week at a Lutheran bible camp. Since some campers used shall we say, interesting, language at times the camp counselors taught us some alternatives. The only one that I still remember is "frog snot".
  We all know that swearing is bad. Using foul language is unnecessary and uncouth. With the wealth of words we have available to us in the English language surely we do not need to use profane and obscene words to express ourselves. Sometimes,though, there are times, like when you drop a heavy object on your foot when you just need one short burst of something to get the frustration or surprise out of your system.
   Some people use the traditional curse words, but change a few letters. Shoot, dang, darn and freak are examples of this. To me this is cheating. If you are going to cuss, then just use the real words and be done with it. The past few years I have been looking for some alternatives that are more creative and still usable. A good alternate cuss word should contain what I call aggressive sounds. The hard k or c sound,the f sound and the hissing s sound are examples of aggressive sounds. It should be completely harmless in meaning and not be gross or disgusting.
    Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is a classic in my opinion. It has the the aggressive sound of a good curse word and is harmless. The problem with it is that it is simply too long. It's also not one that comes to mind easily unless you are a Mary Poppins fan.
   My favourite source for alternate cuss words comes from Col Sherman Potter, a character on the TV series MASH. (I am a big MASH fan.) I would like to share a few of his classic cuss words.
  The one I run into most on the Internet is "Horse hockey". It's short and has the necessary sounds. In addition if you think about it, it's funny. Can you picture horses on skates trying to get a puck into a net? If that image doesn't deflate anger or frustration, I'm not sure what else could.
  " Jumping Jeosephat" is a fun one. This one has an interesting origin. Jehoshaphat is a Biblical king. The image of a king,with a crown on his head dressed in rich robes, jumping around is another amusing image.
  While looking on a MASH quote website, I found "cow cookies". It has the right sounds, but it's too gross for me. Manure is not an image I want in my head.
  My two favourites are "holy hemostat!" and "What in the name of Marco blessed Polo is going on here!" Even though these two phrases don't meet the criteria for a good alternate cuss word, I still like them. The problem is that I seldom remember to use them. The Marco Polo phrase has limited use. I did manage to use it once and was very proud of myself.
   Most of the time I can't think of any of the above words or phrases. My default is to say,"curse and swear, curse and swear". Sometimes when very frustrated I'll pretend to bang my head on the counter or on my computer screen. It gets the point across and sometimes makes my techs chuckle or at least give me an understanding look.
   With so many fun and creative alternatives, there is no need to use profane, disgusting or offensive words. Let's quit polluting our minds and the atmosphere around us. Create you own "toolbox" of alternatives and use them.