Antibullying Laws
There have been several news articles about bullying lately. Several of them have mentioned the need for laws to protect children that are bullied in school.
As someone who was bullied for most most of her time in school, I should be very pleased. I should be jumping on the bandwagon and advocating for tough laws so that no one will have to go through what I went through. This is a no brainer, right?
Instead I am a bit ambivalent about the subject. It's not that I don't want to protect children from bullies, I do. I'm glad that the subject is finally being taken seriously. When I was in school bullying was just kids being kids, boys being boys. If you are being picked on then you are probably doing something to provoke that kind of behaviour.
My problem is that I don't think that laws and policies will work. You can put up all kinds of legislation. States can require teacher training, can attempt to institute a "no tolerance" policy and have requirements for dealing with bullying complaints. It might help a little, it's not going to solve the problem.
Bullies, at least in my experience, are smart. They are not going to bully someone when there is an adult witness nearby. They are very good about being subtle and picking the right moments. Eventually there will be a situation where one student accuses another of bullying. Some kids may step forward and to say yes, this is going on. Others may flatly deny it. How do you handle this?
What do you when the parents refuse to believe that their child would act that way? What do you do if the parents do not see anything wrong with their child picking on another? What do you do if the bully is the child of a school board member or teacher?
What do you do if a child feels threatened by an act that isn't quite bullying? I'll give you an example. When I was in middle school every Wednesday night I had to go to confirmation class. We had class at the church. When class was over two boys, Tim and Jon, would walk back and forth in front of the classroom door waiting for me to come out. I was scared to leave class alone so I always walked out with the teacher. I was afraid they would beat me up or take my books or do something really mean to me. They never threatened me or said anything to me. They weren't doing anything that was overtly aggressive, but I still felt threatened.
I don't think bullying can be stopped. It can be slowed down a little maybe. I'm pretty sure if you take a survey of bullies you will find that none of them is deterred by punishment. They do what they do because it makes them feel powerful, or in control. Some of them enjoy causing distress. Some of the reality TV shows almost seem to advocate bullying. It doesn't matter what you do to someone else as long as you (or your team) comes out on top in the end.
I would like to see more help for people who are bullied. One thing that helped me a lot was that I had one place that was safe. It was my house. Not every bullying victim has a safe place to go. Having one place where you are safe from the bullying helps. Another thing that was helpful to me is that I knew that I would not be bullied forever. One day I would graduate and then I could move away and go to college. I went to North Dakota State, partly because I knew none of the bullies would go that far away from home. (It also has a really good pharmacy program.) The most important thing that should be made clear to every person who is bullied is that it is not their fault. They are not to blame for what is happening. I think that schools should have a place where children who are bullied can go to get help. Most victims of bullying stay quiet because of fear that the bullying will get worse if reported.
I think that spending time and resources setting up ways to help bullying victims would be more effective than devising laws to punish those who bully. You may or may not be able to change the behaviour of someone who engages in bullying. You can make a positive impact on those who are bullied so they can go on to have successful lives.
It is possible to survive being bullied. I did. It was unfortunate that I had to spend my school years that way. I do have to admit that the experience made me a stronger and more determined person,qualities that have helped me throughout my life. Every bullying victim should get what they need so they can have a happy ending like mine.
As someone who was bullied for most most of her time in school, I should be very pleased. I should be jumping on the bandwagon and advocating for tough laws so that no one will have to go through what I went through. This is a no brainer, right?
Instead I am a bit ambivalent about the subject. It's not that I don't want to protect children from bullies, I do. I'm glad that the subject is finally being taken seriously. When I was in school bullying was just kids being kids, boys being boys. If you are being picked on then you are probably doing something to provoke that kind of behaviour.
My problem is that I don't think that laws and policies will work. You can put up all kinds of legislation. States can require teacher training, can attempt to institute a "no tolerance" policy and have requirements for dealing with bullying complaints. It might help a little, it's not going to solve the problem.
Bullies, at least in my experience, are smart. They are not going to bully someone when there is an adult witness nearby. They are very good about being subtle and picking the right moments. Eventually there will be a situation where one student accuses another of bullying. Some kids may step forward and to say yes, this is going on. Others may flatly deny it. How do you handle this?
What do you when the parents refuse to believe that their child would act that way? What do you do if the parents do not see anything wrong with their child picking on another? What do you do if the bully is the child of a school board member or teacher?
What do you do if a child feels threatened by an act that isn't quite bullying? I'll give you an example. When I was in middle school every Wednesday night I had to go to confirmation class. We had class at the church. When class was over two boys, Tim and Jon, would walk back and forth in front of the classroom door waiting for me to come out. I was scared to leave class alone so I always walked out with the teacher. I was afraid they would beat me up or take my books or do something really mean to me. They never threatened me or said anything to me. They weren't doing anything that was overtly aggressive, but I still felt threatened.
I don't think bullying can be stopped. It can be slowed down a little maybe. I'm pretty sure if you take a survey of bullies you will find that none of them is deterred by punishment. They do what they do because it makes them feel powerful, or in control. Some of them enjoy causing distress. Some of the reality TV shows almost seem to advocate bullying. It doesn't matter what you do to someone else as long as you (or your team) comes out on top in the end.
I would like to see more help for people who are bullied. One thing that helped me a lot was that I had one place that was safe. It was my house. Not every bullying victim has a safe place to go. Having one place where you are safe from the bullying helps. Another thing that was helpful to me is that I knew that I would not be bullied forever. One day I would graduate and then I could move away and go to college. I went to North Dakota State, partly because I knew none of the bullies would go that far away from home. (It also has a really good pharmacy program.) The most important thing that should be made clear to every person who is bullied is that it is not their fault. They are not to blame for what is happening. I think that schools should have a place where children who are bullied can go to get help. Most victims of bullying stay quiet because of fear that the bullying will get worse if reported.
I think that spending time and resources setting up ways to help bullying victims would be more effective than devising laws to punish those who bully. You may or may not be able to change the behaviour of someone who engages in bullying. You can make a positive impact on those who are bullied so they can go on to have successful lives.
It is possible to survive being bullied. I did. It was unfortunate that I had to spend my school years that way. I do have to admit that the experience made me a stronger and more determined person,qualities that have helped me throughout my life. Every bullying victim should get what they need so they can have a happy ending like mine.
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