Potluck

On the radio yesterday a disc jockey posed a question. What would you rather do, skydive,swim with sharks or give a 30 minute speech in front of 5,000 people? The point of this, of course, was to find out what most people are afraid of. I'm not sure which of these got the most votes in the end, by the time I turned off the radio, skydiving was way ahead.

There is one thing that didn't make the list that I consider to be more frightening than skydiving, shark swimming or public speaking (which isn't that scary.) Two words that are guaranteed to make me really,really nervous.

Church Potluck.

Yes, that's right. I'm afraid of church potlucks.

It's not that I don't like to cook. I do, very much so. I think I can safely say that people who have dined at my house have had no complaints about the hospitality they have received. I enjoy having small dinner parties. I am quite at home in my kitchen.

Church potluck is a whole different matter. The first question is, what do you bring? You don't want to bring what everyone else is bringing. You don't want to bring something too weird that no one will eat. Should you bring salad, bread or a dessert? Sometimes you get an assignment, like these people should bring salad or those people should bring a main course dish. If you don't have such guidance, then you are on you own.

The next question is, how much do you bring? The rule of thumb that I grew up with is that you bring enough for 10 people or so. That's the rule 25 years ago. Does it still apply? There are a lot of large families in the church that we attend. You don't want to bring too much, because then you will have to carry it home again. If you bring too little then you look stingy.

Then there is potluck etiquette. If you just eat what you brought, people will think you are stuck up. If you don't eat a little of what you bring then people will think that there is something wrong with it. If you are forced to buy something as opposed to making it yourself, you should not serve it out of the container it came in or people will think you are lazy. You also don't want to be the person that brings the same thing all the time. Unless everyone likes it, then it is all right.

There is a certain amount of honor involved in a church potluck. Everyone is comparing what is brought whether they admit it or not. That's the part that makes me nervous. I worry about what people think of my cooking. Since most of the crockpots and serving dishes have got names on them it is easy to find out who brought what. The worst thing that can happen is to acquire a bad potluck reputation.

It's easy to find the ones with a bad reputation. They are the ones that bring food that is not touched or maybe has one tiny serving scooped from it. People in line whisper to each other. "Don't take any of that. The last time she brought something the kids were sick for the rest of the day." Once you have a bad potluck reputation, it is impossible to get rid of it. Then there is the humiliation of having to bring it home. All the other ladies are washing their empty dishes and you have to stick your nearly full dish in a bag and hope that no one notices.

So you see, potlucks can be terrifying things and another one is coming up soon. Wish me luck.