I Don't Have Any Problems

         

        YouTube is a wonderful invention.  While I was eating lunch on Monday, I watched a live stream video of a funeral. The funeral was for the daughter of my cousin Miri who lost her battle with cancer at age 36. I haven't seen Miri in over 20 years and I never met her daughter but we are family and I've covenanted to mourn  with those that mourn. Even if they don't know I'm doing so. 

        From the obituary and the homily given at the funeral, Amber seemed like an interesting person. She liked to climb things from mountains to trees, she played several instruments and she loved horses. Her hobbies included blacksmithing, leatherwork and sketching. Where would anyone learn blacksmithing anyway?  From the comments I read she was funny, kind and adventurous. 

        On the front row of the church to the right of the silver casket draped with a cream coloured pall, sat my cousin with her husband and children. Miri was always slight, but she seemed smaller. Her hair was straight cut just above her shoulders. She wore a black long sleeved, knee length dress. 

        I can't imagine what she must have been feeling. I've been told that losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent. I'm sure that when she got married almost 40 years ago, she never imagined she'd be sitting by the casket of her oldest daughter.

        Things like this make me stop and think. I don't have any problems. I'm very fortunate. I don't have to battle stage four cancer like Amber did. I haven't lost the love of my life like her boyfriend Ryan did.  I will never experience the kind of grief that Miri is facing. 

        At the end of the funeral the casket was wheeled back up the aisle. Miri and her husband walked behind it followed by their children and my aunt, Miri's mother. The challenges I have are not as large as the challenge of living without a child, sister, cousin or friend.

        Another thing I felt was gratitude, sometimes I complain a bit about my hair going white, my joints being stiff and feeling old. I felt grateful that I have lived long enough for all these things to happen. Amber won't get that. I reminded myself that growing older is a privilege I should never take for granted.  I plan to go through my days with a sense of gratitude for all the things I'm able to do. Plant flowers. Knit. Put together the new cat tree we bought today. Enjoy life.