Why Are We Still Together?



   A few months ago I saw the father of a woman used to know in the store. Once he figured out who I was, I asked him about Lily, her husband and children. I only remember on line from what he told me. "They are not together anymore." We chatted for a couple more minutes and then he went to check out.

   I stood there for a few minutes, stunned. They are not together anymore. Lily and Rick were dating at the same time C and I were. In fact, they had been together longer. I remember going to a Toastmaster event where Lily was there and Rick couldn't attend. She put a picture of him on the table near her so that he could be there in spirit. I thought it was very cool and romantic.

   I'm not sure when they got engaged, but I know that they got married in April a few months before us. C and I attended their wedding dance. They both looked happy and ready to start their new life together. Ten years later, we had dinner together to celebrate our mutual ten year wedding anniversary. They were working through some issues with one of their children, but seemed to be all right.

     If you were to look at Lily and Rick on paper, you'd think they would have a much better chance at a lasting marriage than C and I. Lily and Rick are close in age, neither had been married before and neither of them had children from other relationships. Both were the same religion and strong in their faith. They had similar educational backgrounds. C and I have a large age gap, a previous marriage, children from that marriage and the cultural differences of being raised in the South and upper Midwest respectively. 

  The things we had in common is that Lily and I were raised in a two parent home by strong mothers and loving fathers. C and Rick were not so lucky. Both of their fathers had served in war and were deeply affected by their experiences during that time. Both of them suffered abuse and neglect. 

  Why are we together when Lily and Rick are not? I don't know. It's probably not fair to compare us as couples. Our paths were not the same. Our challenges as couples were different. We all came from our own set of differences, expectations and abilities. 

  I'd like to think that the diversity that C and I share has helped us. Our differing ways of seeing our challenges have helped us to overcome them. Our experiences have helped us to be more supportive of each other. Our willingness to share experiences and to seek out new experiences together has helped us to grow.

  C and I are celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary tomorrow. Sometimes it seems a little unreal to have been married that long. Especially when I never thought I'd be married at all. I'm grateful. Not all couples get to this point. 

   I'm grateful for the supportive partner C has and continues to be to me. I hope he feels the same way about me.

To C, 18 Years and forever to go

♥♾♥

 

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