Yes

 

   C and I "celebrated" an anniversary of sorts last week. Nineteen years ago last week, he asked me to marry him.

   It's not a milestone that we usually celebrate, like an anniversary or birthday, but this year we took a little time to reflect on it. 

   For a few months before the proposal, we had been talking about marriage. I called it the "M" word. C and I were older and he had been married before. It was important for us to have discussions on our expectations and what being married would look like to us. 

   Although I'd never planned on being married or even expected to be married, I had given some thought to it. I told C that I don't believe in divorce. If he and I were to marry then we would have to commit to working on any challenge that arose in our marriage together. If it meant going to a counselor then we would go. Divorce was not going to be an option.  

   We discussed several subjects: finances, religion, and household chores. Looking back I have to admit I am a bit proud of the fact that we did this. I think that being older and each of us having lived on our own for many years discussions like this were necessary. I think we went into our marriage better prepared for having discussed these topics.

   Our proposal was not a big event. There were no paths of  flower petals. No videos or balloons with notes inside them. C didn't ask my parents for permission to propose. ( Although, gentleman that he is, he did ask me if this was something he should do.) He didn't get down on one knee. There wasn't even a ring involved.

   We had spent the day together and were enjoying a treat at a place called the Dreamcoat Café. We were talking about marriage when C told me that he wanted to propose, but did not have a ring to offer me. I told him that was all right. To me, a ring is optional. Then he launched into a lovely monologue that I wish I could remember. I only know that he talked about love, his belief that it doesn't end, on how marriage is a partnership and companionship and that what we had was very special. At the end of it, he asked if I would marry him.

   I wish I could say that I said something especially romantic, but I didn't. Instead I asked him if he was done yet. Then I put my hands around on each side of his face, looked into his eyes and said, "Yes".

  That was it. We were now officially engaged. After a celebratory Italian soda and some more time spent together, I went home. The next morning I got up, called C's voicemail and and sang the song 'That's All' (I can only give you country walks in spring time and a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall...). I thought it would be cool for him to have that to listen to when he woke up. 

   That's how it started. We've survived a lot of things in those nineteen years. A lot of things have changed. The Dreamcoat Café is gone along with the restaurant where we had our wedding reception. It has been an adventure, but I'm grateful that we are journeying through life together.