The New Normal

   It happened yesterday. We had to do the thing that everyone who lives with a pet has to do at one point in time. The thing we don't think about. The thing we dread doing. We had to say goodbye to our sweet, beloved Colby. After four days of not eating and more than a week and a half of not eating enough, we had to make the decision. We had to end his suffering.

  It's not easy to do. It's worse when he was walking around, jumping into his cat tree. Using the litterbox. Coming to his cat dish even if he didn't eat anything. 

  However, he  was spending more and more time in isolation under the chaise. You could see the weight melt off of him. C had a frank talk with our veterinarian about quality of life in cats and signs to look for when making these decisions. Being Christians we also prayed. We got our answer.

  There were a few tender mercies yesterday. He came out to sit in the window and get some fresh air. I got to spend some time petting and talking to him. I got a final cuddle. When he passed away, he did so with my arm around him, having his head stroked and hearing me tell him that we loved him and that he is a special, wonderful cat.

  Now we have a new normal. We have to get used to a life without Colby. We have to get used to having one cat, when we have had two for almost 20 years. This could be the hardest part.

  When we got back from the vet, I put the empty carrier back in the basement where it belonged. I emptied all the barely eaten food dishes and the partly consumed packets of liquid treats. I packed away the medicines we tried to give him to help the nausea and other cancer symptoms. I put away the special food dish we used to keep him from eating too fast.

  Last night I had to put half a can of cat food in the refrigerator. I'd have to remember to take it out so it would warm to room temperature before I served it to Scamp. Scamp doesn't like cold food. Would Scamp even eat?

  Now I have to worry about Scamp. He's never been an only cat before. Our cat, Nim, was still alive when Scamp came to live with us. We adopted Colby a few weeks after Nim died. During these few weeks when Colby was sick Scamp had cried a bit. He cried and wailed off and on last night. He's a territorial cat so C and I don't think it is a good idea to introduce a new cat to him at his age. I hope he will be all right.

  This morning I tried to keep to  our usual morning routine. I ground up his medicine and mixed it with his food. I sat on the floor with him while he ate, something I did back when Colby would try to steal Scamp's food. I gave him his dry cereal in feeder balls and his spoonful of yogurt.

  It's going to be strange not having Colby around. I won't see his sweet, striped face peeking at me. He won't be jumping into my lap while I'm trying to knit or read. No more guarding my yarn to keep it from being chewed. He won't jump on our bed anymore and burrow underneath our sheets.

  In time it won't hurt so much. We won't have to keep telling ourselves and each other that we did the right thing. That we honored our commitment to making sure he did not suffer. That we had eleven and a half wonderful years with the sweetest cat ever. We will learn to live with our new normal.