Know Who You Are

   One of my favorite scenes in the movie Moonstruck is when Rose Castorini (Olympia Dukakis) is standing in front of her house with Perry (John Mahoney) They had eaten in a local Italian restaurant together after Perry had an argument with his date. Rose invites him to sit with her so neither has to eat alone. After the meal Perry walks her home. Standing in front of her house he says that her family is home and she probably can't invite him in. She responds, "No,I think the house is empty. I can't invite you in because I'm married. Because I know who I am." I always loved that scene because I admire Rose's strength.
  I believe that one of the gifts given to us as we grow older is a better knowledge of who we are. (Not to say this can't be found in younger people, but I seem to see it more in older women.) I've noticed that as I have gone through my 40s that I'm more comfortable in my skin. I'm not so worried about what others may think of my hair or clothes. I'm not worried about being short and stout as long as I'm fit and healthy. I'm more concerned with my character and becoming the person I want to be.
   I've been reflecting on this lately because I have seen some social media posts from  younger women that make me wonder if they have this type of comfort within themselves. Some of the posts seem to be saying, "Look at me, I'm fit, I'm athletic, I'm attractive..etc" I just get a sense that some of these posts are meant to garner likes or comment to bolster a feeling of self worth that isn't real strong at this point in time. I feel sad for these women. I'm sure that some of you are wondering how I can make this kind of judgement based of social media posts. I can't explain it, it's simply an impression that I get.
  Lately I've been rereading books that I enjoyed when I was in college. In one of those books, Magic's Promise by Mercedes Lackey, the main character Vanyel, is nearing his family home when the following exchange happens. "It never changes. Outside these walls I may be a Herald-Mage who can admonish the King himself;inside-I'm Vanyel, prodigal son, with habits we don't talk about and tastes best politely ignored. Gods, when are they ever going to accept me for who I am?"  He receives the following reply from Yfandes, his companion. ":Perhaps never. Perhaps when you accept yourself, Chosen:.. :Perhaps,...when you know who you are, and know it well enough that you can't be reduced to an adolescent just by riding through the gates:"
   I have to admit that one of the struggles I've had over the past couple of years is knowing who I am. For most of my life I identified myself based on my job. I am Sophie, the pharmacist at (place of employment) The past couple years of intermittent unemployment have caused me to have to rethink this. If I'm not working, am I still a pharmacist? If I'm not a pharmacist, then who am I, really?
  I've come to the conclusion that I can identify in several ways, all valuable. I'm C's spouse. I'm Colby and Scamp's human. I'm a friend,a teacher, a sister, a granddaughter and a coworker. I'm a pharmacist, an amateur musician, needle-worker and writer. I'm a pharmacist. I'm a daughter of God. I'm many things. For the first time in a long time, perhaps ever, I can truly say that I am comfortable in my own skin. I know who I am.
   Having this knowledge makes me feel good.