Every Woman Should Have One

    A long time ago I came across a list of things that every woman should have. Some of them made sense, a recipe you can serve at a dinner party, a comfortable pair of shoes and a little black dress. One of them was a relationship you would not want to go back to. That one I didn't understand. Essentially the list seemed to be saying that every woman needs to have one bad relationship. Why? Isn't there enough badness in the world? A few years later I would find out the answer to this question.
   It started at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival. I was there with a friend and it was mealtime. Having acquired a taste for beer cheese soup in North Dakota,we went to a booth that sold soup in bread bowls. The man behind the counter sold me my soup and when he presented my bread bowl he said some rather flattering things to me. Since I was unused to flattery especially from men, I went back up to the booth to have a little bit more conversation with the man.
   It was a nice chat. The man's name was Paul and we exchanged phone numbers. The next few days we chatted on the phone. Eventually he asked me out on a date. Since I am a liberated woman and mindful of my safety,we agreed to meet at a Cinema Cafe for a movie and meal.
  Cinema Cafes were wonderful. They no longer exist unfortunately. They were theatres where a person could watch a second run move for a low price. They had tables and chairs because they served food and drinks. It was standard bar food pizza and burgers, fried snacks of various sorts. The screen was like those large screens you see in sports bars. The location was between my house and Paul's apartment. Perfect. We would each drive there and meet.
   I got to the theatre early. I tend to get lost when driving to unfamiliar places so I made sure to allow for extra time in case I got lost. I was the only one there and the theatre had just opened. I was 20 minutes early. I went into the lobby, standing behind a vending machine. I waited and waited and waited. I watched the parking lot so I could see when Paul came into the parking lot. I waited some more. I went out the front door to see if the was there. He was not. I went back to my station behind the vending machine. Nothing. With about five minutes until the start of the movie, I decided I'd been stood up. I went to buy my ticket figuring that I might as well have something to eat and watch the movie since I was already there. I told the person that sold my ticket that I was supposed to meet a date who had stood me up. We commiserated for a bit and then I went in to find a table.
   A couple minutes later the ticket taker came in and asked if I was Sophie. I said I was. She said my date had arrived and I told her to send him in. He had been waiting outside for me not thinking to look in the lobby. He came into the theatre. I couldn't believe my eyes. He was wearing an old white dress shirt untucked that had clearly seen better days. He completed his outfit with a pair of ragged looking black bell bottom jeans. He did not look like a man on a date. I wasn't wearing my best, but at least my clothes were neat, well fit and not worn out. It was not a good first impression.
   Things got worse. The movie he had chosen was Con Air. If you don't remember the movie, it's about a bunch of prisoners flying in a airplane who take control of the airplane. Hardly the thing to take a date to, unless you know she's into that kind of movie. I'm not.
   To this day I cannot explain why I continued to date this man for a bit over four years. In retrospect this first date threw up so many red flags that I should have run screaming in the opposite direction. Instead I proceeded to have the worst relationship with anyone I've ever had in my life. It did, however, teach me a few things.
   I learned that not all abuse is physical. That two cats with brains the size of walnuts are better judges of character than I am. I learned that when someone takes more out of your life than they put in it is time to leave. I learned how to leave.
   I realised the reason why it's helpful in some ways to have a bad relationship is so you can recognise a good one when you have it.
   One year after I broke up with Paul, I met C........