The Anniversary Column

"While there is much that is wrong in the world today, there are many things that are right and good. There are marriages that make it, parents who love their children and sacrifice for them, friends who care about us and help us, teachers who teach. Our lives are blessed in countless ways"

Thomas S. Monson

    C and I were married in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. We did so at the demand of my mother who insisted that one of her children be married in a church.  We were required to take an eight hour marriage class before we could be married.

     The teacher was good, but the class at least for us, was mostly a waste of time. It was geared to younger adults in their 20s who were getting married for the first time. There were discussions of finances , starting a family and buying a home. There was very little that applied to us. There was nothing about how to deal with stepchildren, ex-spouses or disapproving in-laws. There was nothing that helped us to figure out how we should merge our lives together given that we both lived for so long on our own.

    There is no guidebook for something like this. The only way to figure out how to do the things we wanted to do was to simply do it.

   On 21 August 2004, in front of  our family and close friends, we did it. We held hands and jumped into the pool that was going to be our life together.

   A better metaphor would be the one that the minister gave at the sermon she preached at our service. She likened our marriage to driving in a car. Sometimes the road would be smooth. Sometimes the road would be bumpy. Sometimes we would have to switch drivers. Sometimes we would find ourselves driving in the mountains on an uncertain path. We might even drive our car over a cliff. It was a pretty good sermon given by someone who knew nothing about either one of us.

   The years have proven that sermon to be true. We have had some times when things were going well. We've taken fun trips, discovered some new places that we enjoy and learned more about each other. We've also endured moves, job changes job losses, discouragement, cats peeing on carpets, illness and children in serious trouble. We kissed each other, yelled at each other, cried together and held hands.

   We lost a lot of things. We lost family members, friends and some possessions. We lost our tempers, our minds once in awhile, our patience, hair, weight, two cats, and for me my sense of humour. We gained some things. We gained experience, friends that are like family to us, family members we had not seen in a long time, a little weight, two new cats, some bookshelves and the ability to be grateful.

  We never lost the important things. We never lost our love for each other or our respect for  each other. We never lost our faith in God and our belief that hard times don't last forever. We never lost our commitment to each other. We never stopped caring about each other.

   We decided long ago that we were going to look for the good. Sometimes it is hard to see, but I believe that it has made the difference for us. We also decided that divorce was not going to be an option for us. Any challenge we would have we would work out seeking help from others if needed. Instead of focusing on all the ways that we are different we focus on what we have in common. We believe that we are perfectly matched. Our strengths and weaknesses make us stronger together than we are separately. We believe out lives are "blessed in countless ways" starting with each other.

   That is how we have reached this place. That is why we are celebrating 13 years of marriage today.....