Not My Holiday Part 2

   I've always thought that God has a fine sense of humour. I'm certain He occasionally smiles or even laughs at the things He sees here sometimes. One of the things that causes me to think this is the fact that Mother's Day usually falls on my weekend off. It's the only holiday where the rotation works like that.
  I'm sure that Heavenly Father knows how I feel about Mother's Day. I think it is a fine idea. It's a good thing to celebrate those women who contribute so much to our society and yet are not recognized for this.
    As a childless woman who has been disowned by her mother, it is not my holiday to celebrate.
 I have been told that as a stepmother, I have a right to celebrate Mother's Day. I disagree, I don't think it is fair to mother of my stepchildren to take a holiday that belongs to her. I also don't think it is fair to my stepchildren to make them divide their attention between us. There is in fact a separate Stepmother's Day. It is either May 1 or the Sunday after Mother's Day depending on what website you look at. That is my holiday.
  The most challenging part of Mother's Day is going to church. Our church makes a point of celebrating Mother's Day. All the talks are about mothers, their love and sacrifices for their families and their importance in their families. For the first few years after I was disowned, this was very difficult to sit through. As time went on it got easier and a new challenge cropped up. The church gives a small present to the mothers on Mother's Day. It can be a flower, a piece of chocolate, a small journal or a small seedling in a pot. In an effort to be inclusive this present is given to all the women over the age of 18. I appreciate the thought, but it makes me very uncomfortable. It's kind of like getting a present on someone else's birthday.
  After the church service are the Sunday school classes. Those aren't so bad, they follow the regular lesson schedule regardless of holiday. After that is another round of classes where the men go to one class and the women to another. This is the biggest challenge of them all. Instead of having a regular class there is a special Mother's Day celebration. There are treats and a short lesson. This is the one of the hardest things for me to sit through. In an effort to be sensitive to those of us without children the attitude is that we are all mothers. We all nurture those around us. We are all influences on the children in our ward. It is more like a celebration of women in general than Mother's Day.
  Again, I do appreciate the thought. I appreciate that they are being sensitive to those without children. To me it seems a little disrespectful. Being a mother is an important job. Some of the most screwed up people I know are the offspring of women who had children not because they wanted to but because they thought they had to. I know a couple more who were abandoned by their mothers and that has effects that last a person's entire life. Although my mother and I were never close and didn't get along many times, I'm grateful to her for the many things she gave me that make me who I am now. Mothers should have their own holiday all to themselves. To generalize it to any woman who does something nurturing is a little like honoring the bridesmaids for their contribution to a wedding. At a wedding the focus should be on the bride and groom and on Mother's Day the focus should be on the mothers only.
   The first few years  I sat uncomfortably  in Relief Society (women's meeting) during Mother's Day. I ate some of the treats and listened to the lessons. One year I even wrote about the lesson that was given. I had to make an effort not to show just how out of place I felt. I didn't belong there and I knew it. No matter how many years went by it never got any better.
   One year after Sunday school, I went out to the car to get something. When I came back in I thought I went into the door that I came out of. I didn't and I wasn't sure where I was. (This isn't new. I've been lost in buildings before.) I spent some time wandering the halls, stopping to chat with others in the halls. By the time I found my way to where I was supposed to be Relief Society was nearly over. I had missed the Mother's Day meeting. It was the best Mother's Day ever for me.
  I don't know what is going to happen this Mother's Day. The year after I got lost I tried to get lost again. It didn't work. I wound up sitting in Relief Society wishing I was somewhere, anywhere else.
  Maybe there is some lesson I'm supposed to learn from this. Maybe that's why I have Mother's Day off. If there is a lesson, I wish it were more clear. Until I get it, I'm sure God will smile in amusement as I try to get through another Mother's Day.