Choosing love when you don't have to

   Denise posted something on my Facebook page that made me tear up. She posted a picture with the following saying in it, "A step parent is so much more than a parent; they made the choice to love when they didn't have to." When I saw it I could feel my eyes fill up. This wasn't a post in response to anything. She'd done this all on her own.
  I felt like I was finally accepted. That little post on my wall meant more to me than Denise could possibly realize. I felt like I had gone from being "dad's wife" to "stepmother". It may not sound like it, but there is a big difference between the two.
  Part of this may be due to the fact that I had done some parent like things. A few weeks ago Denise had to go to a meeting to get some affairs straightened out. She was nervous and wanted someone to go with her. I had the day off and said I would go. She came to our house 45 minutes before the meeting. I had a cup of hot tea waiting for her. She was very nervous. I tried to calm her down in a very matter of fact way. She had several personal issues going on at that time. I told her she needed to focus on them one at a time. I could tell she felt overwhelmed. We drove to the meeting place.
  We checked in and waited to be called into the meeting room. While we waited I once again went over with her what she needed to do. I stayed as serene as I possible could. I had faith in Denise. She is a smart woman.
  Denise was called into the meeting room. I was allowed to come with her. I listened in to all that went on. Denise had to make some choices. Once the choices had been explained to her she made a decision opposite of what I thought she would do. In fact, her choice didn't seem to make sense at the time.  After the meeting was over we waited for some paperwork and then left.
  Once we got outside to the car Denise said that I was probably mad and that I thought she had done the wrong thing. I let her go on for a few minutes and then I said very firmly, "Don't tell me what I think." It stopped her cold. She wasn't expecting that reaction. I went on to tell her that she knew what she needed to do. The choices were hers, not mine. It was her life, not mine. If she felt that she had made the right decision, I was not going to criticize her. I drove her back to our house.
  I warmed up some tea for her. While I did that she got an angry text message from someone who had found out what happened. She went outside to call the person. I went to the bedroom to change clothes. She came back in. I poured out some tea for the two of us and then sat down next to her. I told her again that if she felt she had done the right thing, then I would support her. Even if it was just me, I would support her. I could tell she was grateful. She explained to me why she had done what she had done. She knew she was going to be criticized. After a few more minutes of talk, she left to go pick up her son from the babysitter.
   I felt good. I had done the right thing. I knew her choice wouldn't make sense at first. If you looked at the problem long term though, it made perfect sense.
  A few months ago I decided to email Elin once a week. Elin lives in Texas and she is also going through a tough time. She was in the middle of a divorce and becoming involved with someone that C and I felt was not good for her to be around. I didn't know if she had any friends that she could really confide in so I decided to email her. If nothing else she would hear news from home and have someone saying positive things to her. Who knows, maybe she would even write back once in awhile.
   It was a lonely task. Most of the time I wouldn't get a reply. I wasn't sure that she even read what I wrote or cared. I kept doing it anyway. I could be making a difference.
   She came up to visit last week. She got my emails and was grateful for them. I felt closer to her than I did before. I sensed a change in our relationship maybe it was just me, but I didn't care. I was making a difference even if it was just a small one.
   Ten years ago I decided that C's children were also my children. Even though they were older, it didn't mean that they would not need some parenting at some point in time. If nothing else I could be a role model, a confidant or a friend. There were a few people I knew who couldn't understand why I would feel this way. They're not really my kids and I shouldn't have anything to do with them. I never understood this. I've married their father and they are my family. Distancing them from me would mean distancing them from their father and that is not right. I decided that I would choose to love them and care about them.
  It was definitely the right choice.