Well-Behaved Women.....

   I'm reading a book by author and historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. If the name sounds familiar to you, you may have seen it at the end of a quote. I own a mug with the quote on it and have seen it on everything from T-shirts to bumper stickers. The quote is, "Well-behaved women seldom make history."
  I found the book in a bookstore and couldn't resist buying it. I have always liked the quote and thought it would be interesting to read more from the woman who wrote it. There are two reasons why I think Laurel Thatcher Ulrich is interesting. The first is because she is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Historian working at Harvard is not the first thing one thinks of when one hears the words Latter-day Saint and woman in the same sentence. I'm guessing that most people think of gentle creatures rocking cradles of babies, the show "Sister Wives" or Marie Osmond. In fact a friend of my stepdaughter, Carrie, told me that she liked the quote when she saw it on my mug. When I told her that the author of the quote was LDS her face fell. It was clear that she felt let down by this fact and I was sorry to see it.
  The other reason is where the quote started. It wasn't written as a slogan for something. It wasn't even really intentional. It was a sentence in an article written about funeral sermons of Puritan women in New England. If there was ever a less likely source for a quote like that I can't think of what it could be. The quote has been a source of inspiration for woman from all walks of life including those who would definitely not be characterized as "well-behaved".
  I think being "well-behaved" has received a bad reputation. The assumption is that a well-behaved person passively accepts whatever there is and doesn't make any kind of waves or fuss. It is thought much better to be the opposite. The kind of person who speaks up, stands up has definite opinions and makes them known.
   There is a power in being "well-behaved" that I don't think is recognized. It's not that someone who is mostly quiet doesn't think or have opinions. It's just that they mostly keep to themselves or a small group of people. There does come a time when a person not known for making a fuss makes a fuss and the fuss gets noticed. Thatcher-Ulrich writes about Rosa Parks in her book. Although quiet and not noticeable she and many others had been preparing for an opportunity for make a difference. When given the chance she did stand up (or rather stayed seated) and was heard. Another example is my Dad. He worked at a radio station as an engineer. He was mostly quiet and methodical spending time in his office fixing all kinds of broken equipment and making the that the FCC regulations were being followed. His coworkers knew that if they did something stupid that resulted in broken equipment, my Dad would let them know. They would never do it again. When someone who is usually loud and opinionated takes a stance, it may not be noticed. Loudness and boldness is expected. When someone who is normally quiet does the same thing, it is much more noticeable.
   I read another book recently called "Founding Mothers: The Women who Raised Our Nation". To me it also illustrates that "well-behaved" doesn't mean passive. The book is about several women, some who were married to the Founding Fathers, who were influential during the Revolutionary War period.  Many of these women could be called "well-behaved". Yet it is clear that they contributed to the cause of freedom. We all know about Abigail Adams and her many letters to her husband, John while he was overseas. Not many know who Deborah Read Franklin is. In fact I don't think many people know that Benjamin Franklin was even married. I know I didn't. She stayed at home and managed her husband's businesses while he went abroad.
  Another unknown is Eliza Pinckney. She ran her father's plantations in South Carolina and her husband's after she was widowed. She successfully cultivated indigo, a popular dye at the time, on her plantation. This contributed to the economy of the area. Her sons grew to become leaders and men of influence. George Washington was a pallbearer at her funeral.
  A more well known example is Martha Washington. She was a great help to her husband in many ways. She also helped to clothe the soldiers under her husband's command by weaving, sewing and knitting socks. Her example was followed by other women. I don't think anyone could call Martha Washington anything but well-behaved yet she did contribute.
   All of this gives me hope. It means there is a place for those of use who are more quiet. The ones who prefer to lead by example. The ones who are not loud and upfront. We don't have to change who we are. We can contribute just as we are and while we may not make history, we can make a difference.