Where Are the Complainers?

   Why does it seem at times that the person you most want to be around isn't? You drive down the highway. Someone passes you at about 100 miles per hour, yet there is no one around to cite them for speeding. You have what seems to be a dozen salespeople asking if you need help when you are just looking, but no one around when you need to get into a dressing room. When there's children running heedlessly, bereft of adult supervision.
   I have been thinking of ways that I can get the incessant Christmas music,which is driving me and several of my coworkers nuts, turned off. Most of the ways included some plan for destroying the Muzak receiver with my trusty Louisville Slugger. The problem is that wondering the store with a baseball bat in winter is a bit conspicuous.
   Then it hit me. I need someone, preferably several someones,to step up and complain. I need a group of well meaning, but easily offended people to make comments on how they find the Muzak offerings offensive.
   I know what you are thinking. Who would ever find Christmas music offensive? It's about the most cheerful, most family friendly music there is.
   I've been thinking about that too. I have found a few songs and groups of songs that I think could be considered offensive.
    Did you know that Frosty the Snowman has a corncob pipe? Why would he have a pipe if he didn't smoke? We all know that smoking is bad for you and causes all sorts of diseases. We also know that second hand smoke is also harmful. Why do we have a song aimed at young, impressionable children that features a character that smokes? Why aren't parent groups up in arms over this? Children must be protected from this sort of thing.
   I'm surprised to hear that 'Zat You Santa Claus?' is being played. In an era where there must be political correctness in all things, no one has noticed this song. It clearly promotes a racial stereotype. Stereotypes are wrong.
  Feminists should be protesting the song 'Santa Baby'. It too, paints a degrading picture as a pseudo sultry voice sings about all the things she wants Santa to bringing her. Animal rights activists should also take note. One of the lines is, "Slip a sable under the tree for me." How horrible!
   For people who feel that Christmas has become too secular, there is a whole group of songs to protest. 'I'll be Home for Christmas' is an example. "Please have snow, and mistletoe and presents on the tree." This is not what the holiday is about! 'Deck the Halls' promotes drinking. Isn't that what "Tis the season to be jolly" means? 'Jingle Bells',' Jingle Bell Rock','Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree' and 'All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth' take away from the sacredness of Christmas.
   On the other side those who do not observe Christmas may find renderings of 'Silent Night', 'O Holy Night' and 'It Came Upon a Midnight Clear' offensive. Why should they be forced to listen to this? Aren't there any atheists out there who see this as a potential violation of their rights? Clearly Christianity is being promoted. The Jewish holiday, Hanukkah,is also celebrated at this time. Shouldn't Muzak be required to play Hanukkah songs? What about Yule songs for the Wiccans? Both of these groups have a right to have their own holiday music played publicly
   What about the songs that promote bad behaviour? 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus' promotes infidelity. Why else would a married woman be kissing a man, not her husband? 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' promotes bullying. The other reindeer laugh at Rudolph and call him names. Even worse, they exclude him from reindeer games. That's not the example we want in front of our children. 'I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas' not only is about bad behaviour, but also bad grammar. It's I'm not getting anything for Christmas, thank you very much.
   If there is anyone out there with time on their hands and a chip on their shoulder, I've given you a list. You can help save the sanity of retail workers everywhere. I'm sure you could find ideas for how to protest on the Internet. Put that bad attitude to good work. Start complaining and protesting today.