I Don't Get It

   One of the ways I deal with the barrage of Christmas music I'm forced to listen to every day while I'm at work is to focus on the lyrics. Doing this prevents the tune from being stuck in my head, which would drive me crazy in a hurry. It's not hard to do, there are only so many songs and they repeat quite often. Some of the lyrics don't make sense to me. Today I'd like to share with you some of the lyrics that don't make sense. Maybe you can help me figure them out.
  The first one is "It's a Marshmallow World". The lyric writer must have been thinking about lunch or maybe dessert with all the food references. "When the snow comes to cover the ground, It's a time for play, it's a whipped cream day, I wait for it all year round." Obviously, whoever wrote this does not live where there is actually snow. Unless you are a child, there is no playing when snow comes around. It's hard work shovelling,plowing or driving through the stuff. I would venture to say that most people don't wait for snow all year round. For most of us, three to four months of it is enough.
  "Let it Snow, Let it Snow Let it Snow" doesn't make sense. If it's snowing that hard how did the singer get to his girlfriend's house? If he has no place to go, why does he leave at the end of the song? That makes about as much sense as the next line which is, "When we finally say goodnight, How I'll hate going out in the storm." If it's storming then he should probably stay where he is. He could get stuck in a snowdrift or something. Maybe there is a travel advisory. What was he thinking going out during a blizzard?
   I never understood "Little Drummer Boy" either. Most mothers do not want people playing drums around infants. In the song though, Mary agrees and the ox and lamb keep time. How the ox and lamb keep time is a mystery,in most bands, the drummer keeps the time.
   "The Christmas Song" doesn't have the words 'Christmas song' anywhere in the lyrics. How do you know that that is the Christmas song. Aren't all the songs with Christmas as there theme 'Christmas songs'? While  turkey and mistletoe are nice (just make sure to keep the mistletoe away from pets),lights usually make things, including the season brighter. (Has anyone ever roasted a chestnut over an open fire? Has anyone ever even eaten a chestnut?)
   The biggest offender when it comes to lyrics that don't make sense is "Do you Hear What I Hear." The night wind tells a lamb about a star with a tail as big as a kite. Did kites exist back then and would a little lamb know about kites? Then the lamb tells the shepard boy about a voice as big as the sea. I'm not an agricultural expert, but most grazing land tends to be away from large bodies of water. How would a lamb know about a sea and where did he get the ability to talk?
   Then the shepard boy goes to the mighty king. How did he get there? Where is the flock that he is supposed to be tending? Maybe the mighty king decided to go out for a walk in the pasture. I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. Then the shepard boy says,"A child, a child shivers in the cold, let us bring him silver and gold." The child doesn't need silver and gold. If he's shivering in the cold he needs a blanket. Take the money and buy him a quilt for crying out loud.
  I'm sure by now you are thinking that that I am the Grinch, Scrooge and every other curmudgeonly creature rolled into one. Listening to "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree", "Jingle Bell Rock", the  Ferrante and Teicher version of "Sleigh Ride" and a badly rendered version of my favourite Christmas song, "Need a Little Christmas" 20 times a day will do that.
   The good news is that I have a cure for the Christmas Musak blues. It's called "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Mambo" by Billy May. That one never fails to cheers me up. Hopefully it will never make the Musak lineup. (If it does, I'll be in trouble....)