What do you say?
One of the most uncomfortable places for me to be in is any situation where I want to and need to say something, but I don't know what to say. It's not being speechless exactly, it's more of a loss for something appropriate. What do you say?
My cousin, Cindy, died earlier this week. She is one of the older cousins from my Dad's side of the family a side of the family I don't know well. She was older than me by eleven years. The only time I'd see her was at the few family functions we attended weddings, funerals and such. The last time I saw her her was at my wedding a bit over five years ago. It was the largest gathering of the cousins since my grandparents died twenty years earlier. Only two cousins could not make it and a picture was taken of all of us. She was in remission from ovarian cancer at that time, I think. I can't remember how long she had been fighting it. I do know that she fought with everything she had. She had countless surgeries, chemo treatments, a bone marrow transplant just about everything that could be done. It was a valiant fight.
She had a few setbacks the past month or so. It was looking like her fight was coming to an end so the phone call from Dad was not entirely unexpected. She had a web page with a guest book that I'd been reading to follow her progress. After my Dad's call I went to it and there was an account of her last days written by her sister who had helped to care for her all these years. I wanted to sign the guest book to express my condolences to my aunt, uncle and cousins, but what do I say? I'd been out of contact for so long and I barely knew Cindy. Would it matter? In the face of losing a daughter,sister, niece, wife and mother would it matter whether I wrote or not? I felt strongly that I had to. From a distance I really admired the way she kept fighting even when it would be easier to quit. There is a lesson in that. So I wrote something about being a valiant fighter and hoping that good memories would comfort the family. It wasn't my most eloquent, but it would have to do.
My stepdaughter, Elin, is having some serious personal problems. She moved away with her boyfriend, now husband and their young son. I used to write letters to her and we had a joke that I was "Elin's wicked stepmother" I quite writing because I was tired of writing with no answer from her. It's kind of like talking to yourself. When she and her husband were having problems I wanted to write, but didn't think I'd have anything to say. Would it matter? I hadn't been married that long myself and didn't think I'd have much credibility giving relationship advice. Time passed, I got busy and I never wrote.
My husband has now asked me to start writing to her again. "She needs to hear from you.", he said. What do I say? I don't know. I've never had the kind of struggles she's having and I can't relate. I also don't know her well either. I thought I did.
"What do I say?", I asked my husband. He said, "You're a writer, you'll think of something." His confidence in me is charming, but not helpful in this case. What do I say?
Once in awhile the right words come to me when I need them. Either that or I manage to find them at the right time. My husband is right, I do need to write to her. When I do I hope I'll know what to say......
Wind to the wings,cousin......
My cousin, Cindy, died earlier this week. She is one of the older cousins from my Dad's side of the family a side of the family I don't know well. She was older than me by eleven years. The only time I'd see her was at the few family functions we attended weddings, funerals and such. The last time I saw her her was at my wedding a bit over five years ago. It was the largest gathering of the cousins since my grandparents died twenty years earlier. Only two cousins could not make it and a picture was taken of all of us. She was in remission from ovarian cancer at that time, I think. I can't remember how long she had been fighting it. I do know that she fought with everything she had. She had countless surgeries, chemo treatments, a bone marrow transplant just about everything that could be done. It was a valiant fight.
She had a few setbacks the past month or so. It was looking like her fight was coming to an end so the phone call from Dad was not entirely unexpected. She had a web page with a guest book that I'd been reading to follow her progress. After my Dad's call I went to it and there was an account of her last days written by her sister who had helped to care for her all these years. I wanted to sign the guest book to express my condolences to my aunt, uncle and cousins, but what do I say? I'd been out of contact for so long and I barely knew Cindy. Would it matter? In the face of losing a daughter,sister, niece, wife and mother would it matter whether I wrote or not? I felt strongly that I had to. From a distance I really admired the way she kept fighting even when it would be easier to quit. There is a lesson in that. So I wrote something about being a valiant fighter and hoping that good memories would comfort the family. It wasn't my most eloquent, but it would have to do.
My stepdaughter, Elin, is having some serious personal problems. She moved away with her boyfriend, now husband and their young son. I used to write letters to her and we had a joke that I was "Elin's wicked stepmother" I quite writing because I was tired of writing with no answer from her. It's kind of like talking to yourself. When she and her husband were having problems I wanted to write, but didn't think I'd have anything to say. Would it matter? I hadn't been married that long myself and didn't think I'd have much credibility giving relationship advice. Time passed, I got busy and I never wrote.
My husband has now asked me to start writing to her again. "She needs to hear from you.", he said. What do I say? I don't know. I've never had the kind of struggles she's having and I can't relate. I also don't know her well either. I thought I did.
"What do I say?", I asked my husband. He said, "You're a writer, you'll think of something." His confidence in me is charming, but not helpful in this case. What do I say?
Once in awhile the right words come to me when I need them. Either that or I manage to find them at the right time. My husband is right, I do need to write to her. When I do I hope I'll know what to say......
Wind to the wings,cousin......
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