Mother's Day Thoughts

 

   Last Sunday was Mother's Day. Usually on Mother's Day I prefer to be at work so I don't have to go to church. Motherhood is revered in my faith as it should be. I believe that women who choose to have children and stay at home to care and raise them do not get the credit or respect that they deserve.

  Being a childless woman can be difficult on Mother's Day, but what made it difficult for me was that it seemed like all the other women had warm, friendly relationships with their mothers. Their mothers are their best friends. Not so with me. My mother and I had a very rocky relationship. In fact, we had not seen or spoken to each other in over a decade.

   That changed last year. I took a job in the town where my mother lives. I let my dad know about this so that he could tell my mother since it increased that chance that mom and I would run into each other. A few weeks after I started my job I saw my mom for the first time in many years. She and Dad stopped by to say hello while I was working. It was awkward, but we survived it. Over the next several months they would stop by to say hello. Mom even dropped off yarn and knitting stuff that she didn't want. I made some pretty scarves out of the yarn she gave me.

  We have talked on the phone a couple of times. I've now taken to texting her each day as I do with my dad. We're never going to be close, but at least a bit of bridge is being built between us. I think that's what made this Mother's Day different. I'm not disowned and estranged from my mother.  I didn't think that it would make this much of a difference.

   One thing that happens on Mother's Day is that I send Happy Mother's Day texts and post a Mother's Day message on my Facebook page. Often I will get Mother's Day wishes in return. I'm very uncomfortable with this. I don't have children, I have stepchildren. Wishing me a Happy Mother's Day is like wishing me Happy Birthday on someone else's birthday.  I feel like those who have actually done the hard work of giving birth, adopting or fostering children and raising them would feel cheated by having to share their special day with someone who acquired children by marriage. (Especially since my stepchildren were older when I married C so I never raised them)

   According to the internet, there is a Stepmother's Day. I used to think it was on May1 but it's actually on the Sunday after Mother's Day. That's the day I prefer to celebrate. I want my stepchildren to honor their mother on Mother's Day. She should be the focus on that day. I get Mother's Day greeting from them anyway.

   A few days ago I got a thank you text from Carrie. She moved in with C and me for a year and a half when she started college many years ago. I tried to do what I could to get her off to a good start in college. I treated her as my parents treated me and gave her the same financial help I had received. I had hoped that I could be a good influence on her. It seems that I have been. She's going back to school to become an occupational therapist and the start she got when she lived with us seems to have helped. We used to drink tea and talk when we both had some spare time. When she comes back to visit, she'd like to have tea with me. I took a screen shot of the conversation so I could preserve it. 

  I communicated with Denise, the oldest of my stepchildren, on Mother's Day. She texted, "You're not my mom but I love you! Happy Mother's Day!" I responded with a smile face and then typed "Bonus Mom". I guess she liked it as she responded with a "Yessss!" 

   Fine with me, I was never fond of stepmother anyway......