Stepmother's Day

   Next Sunday, according to the internet, is Stepmother's Day. This is the one that I "celebrate". I put up my usual Happy Mother's Day post on Facebook last Sunday. Several of my friends wished me a happy Mother's Day in the comments. I always feel a little queasy when someone does this to me. I'm not a mother unless you count the fact that I am caretaker to a couple of cats. There is no reason why anyone should wish me a happy Mother's Day. That's like saying happy birthday to me on someone else's birthday.

  I also feel it is seriously offensive to those who do have children. It takes their holiday away from them. If you want to make this into something that honors any woman who takes care of someone, then call it Caretaker's Day.

  I'm probably more sensitive to it because I never wanted to seem like I was competing with my stepchildren's mother. She comes first. She is their mother. She raised them. I'm not their mother and I'm not trying to be their mother.

  This doesn't mean I don't care about them and it doesn't mean that I don't have a responsibility to parent them when needed. I see my role a bit differently. My stepchildren were mostly in their late teens and early 20s when C and I married. I saw myself as more of an older friend or someone they could go to to talk out a problem or get some advice. I also saw myself as someone who could say the things to them that they needed to hear, that their parents couldn't or wouldn't say to them. Sometimes parents are afraid of alienating their children or upsetting them and don't say things that should be said. Sometimes adult children need additional encouragement. Sometimes things need to be said by someone who is sort of a neutral party. I've done all of this.

   This is why I think that stepmothers should have a day seperate from Mother's Day. It gives the mother her day and also acknowledges the role of the stepmother without causing competition or friction in a circumstance when there could already be some of that going on. It allows those children and young adults who have mothers and step mothers to express appreciation, if they choose to do so, without shorting either side.

  On Sunday I will put up a Happy Stepmother's  Day post because a few of my friends are mothers and stepmothers. Some are stepmothers only like me. I hope all of us have a good day.