Bad Photographs

     A few days ago, C asked me to look at something. It was a picture of me that he took on my birthday a few years ago. He told me that it was his favourite picture of me. I shook my head. My lips look weird and I had huge circles under my eyes. I asked him how it could be his favourite when it was not a good looking picture. He pointed out several good things. I pointed out several more flaws. We finally had to end the argument with an "agree to disagree" clause.
   The fact is I hate having my picture taken. I always have. I have gone through great lengths to avoid having a picture taken of me. When my brother got married a long time ago I managed to stay out of every picture taken. I'm very proud of that fact. The only part of me that can be seen on those pictures is the top of my hat and the edge of my skirt. It took a lot of maneuvering and hiding behind taller people, but I did it.
   Once the Small Town Toastmasters had a holiday party. Someone decided that it would be a good time to take a group picture. We hadn't had a group picture taken in a long time. The place our party was at had several nice places where a group picture could be taken. My friend Dana and I both dislike being photographed and decided we were not going to participate. We knew that if we simply refused to join the group there would be a some arguing and we'd be forced to join the group. We needed a hiding place. Dana decided that we would hide in the bathroom. As the others move toward the place where the photograph would be taken Dana and I eased toward the bathroom.  No one noticed we were going the wrong direction. We stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. We sat in there until we could hear the sounds of people milling about again. Then we eased out carefully. We didn't want anyone to know we were hiding and then try to retake the picture.
   One time where a Toastmaster tried to take my picture during a meeting I dove behind the lectern. I peeked out from behind the lectern and said , "I'm not coming out until you put that d#*& thing away!" A picture of me peeking out was included in the after meeting summary along with the quote.
   Why do I dislike being photographed? There are people who photograph beautifully and those who don't. I belong firmly in the latter category. If the camera adds 20 pounds on to a person, it adds about 50 on to me. Every flaw I have seems to be magnified 100 times when I'm photographed.
   When we got our wedding pictures back, I almost cried. I didn't look like myself. I was wearing makeup and had my hair done. My wedding dress made me look like a marshmallow. It was awful. To this day, I have trouble looking at those pictures.
   I'm getting better though. It used to be the looking at pictures of myself would make me literally sick. All I could see was someone who looked a little like the Pillsbury Dough Boy wearing the same clothes as me.
   The years have given me a little compassion for myself. It also helps that C no longer takes pictures of me full length anymore. I may not like most pictures of myself, but I least I don't feel sick when I look at them.
  There are even those rare times when I see a picture of myself and even.... like it.......