Leap of Faith

   This week was a momentous week for me. After a confrontational interview with my district manager and two very stressful weeks at work, I quit my job.
   It's not the first time that I have resigned from a job, but I always had another job lined up. This time I don't. I hadn't really planned on resigning, although it's been a tough few years at my store. I felt a responsibility to my customers. It was my job to take care of them the best that I can. I also felt a responsibility to be a good, solid, reliable employee for my company.
  Sometimes things happen and it becomes clear that a change must be made.
   I'll be honest. I don't handle change very well. When it comes to my job, I like to have things in order. I like being able to work in the same place with a set schedule and knowing who I will be working with. I've always admired those who do relief work who seem to be able to flit effortlessly from one store to the next. I like to be able to do follow up on problems I encounter and to build relationships  with my customers. The fact that I don't know where I'll be working next and when I will find that next job scares me.
  For the first time in 25 years I will be unemployed. I never thought I'd be described that way. Not having a job is scary to me. In fact, a few times in my life I've stayed at jobs with less than desirable working conditions because it was better to be employed than unemployed.
  There's so much to do when you leave a job. A lot of decisions need to be made. 401K funds need to be rolled over. I need to decide about insurance and COBRA.
  Then there's the things involved in a new job search. I haven't needed a resume in 15 years. Do I need a cover letter? Where should I apply? Are there any openings? Should I take part time and continue to look for full time work? What is out there? Can I afford to be picky or should I take the first decent prospect I get? Can I find a job close to where we live?
  I'm taking a leap of faith. As a Latter-day Saint, I don't believe in coincidences. Even my own life has taught me this. Things have happened that look illogical or seem like a bad thing at the time, but in retrospect things have worked out or have changed even for the better. I have to have faith. I have to believe that things will work out. Once during a trying time early in our marriage someone gave C a picture of a cliff. On the picture was the following quote, "When you come to the edge of all that you know, you must believe in one of two things. There will either be earth upon which to stand or you will be given wings."
  I feel like Indiana Jones in the movie "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" Toward the end of the movie Indiana Jones is making his way to the place where the Holy Grail is kept. He has passed the first two of the three challenges. The last challenges is the leap of faith. He stands at the edge of a deep chasm that separates him from the place where the Grail is. He cannot see any way to get across. There is a cut to a scene where his father says, "You must believe, boy" With fear evident in his face, he puts his hand on his chest. Then he sticks out his foot to take the first step. To his obvious relief he encounters solid ground. It turns out there is a bridge that cannot be seen from the entrance. He carefully makes his way across the chasm to the Grail. I'm now standing at the entrance to a new phase in my life. I have to stick my foot out and take that first step.
  It's an emotional time for me right now. I'm scared of the future. I'm sad because I will miss my customers. I won't get to talk with the customer that raises monarch butterflies to help the butterfly population. I won't get to see anymore horse pictures from another customer. I won't get to trade cat stories with customers. I've given a decade of my life to that store and that is now over. I'll miss my staff. There have been times where we haven't got along, but I've always been grateful for them and all they've done. Pharmacy technicians don't get the credit they deserve most of the time. I'm also hopeful. We have saved money and have been frugal so we can take care of ourselves for awhile. I have friends who have offered to help me with my resume and have offered emotional support. I have friends who are praying for me. I have C who has been reassuring and is a rock of strength.
  I am taking a leap of faith. A new life awaits me. It's the start of a new road. It's time to take the first step.