An Internal Core of Creativity

   A few weeks ago I told my friend Dana that I had some time off work and wanted to have a "craft day". I wanted to shop for yarn and then go somewhere to knit, crochet etc.
  We decided that Thursday would be a good day to spend together. We could go to Toastmasters, have some tea and then attend a Tai Chi class taught by a friend of ours. We would go buy yarn, do lunch and then return to her house to work on our projects. It was a good day for me.
   Dana may not realize it, but she has taught me a couple of important things. One of them is that I am capable of being creative.
  I never thought of myself as creative. Creative people can do magic. They can make something out of nothing. They can take a stray thought in their head and turn it into reality. I've always marveled at some of the creations I've seen from elaborate works of architecture to a simple electric circuit. At one point in time these things were nothing more than a thought in someone's head. Now they are solid objects for all of us to use and enjoy.
  I have always been slightly envious of those endowed with the power of creativity. It was one of those gifts that I was not blessed with. I like to make things, but I need directions. I have to follow the pattern, follow the recipe, read the music. When I've done this I have made something, but it isn't really being creative. It's like creating a picture using paint by numbers. You are recreating something that someone has already created. It looks good, tastes good and sounds good (as long as the instrument is in tune) but it isn't creating anything.
  I had come to accept that my role in life was not to create things. My role in life was to admire those amazing folks who can do it.
  Lately though, I've been trying to experiment. What if I used allspice in my morning oatmeal along with the cinnamon. How would that taste? What if I used apple pie spice in the apple sauce that I make? Hmmnnn not too bad. It tastes pretty good.
  Maybe I could cut up the  chicken breast into chunks, cook it in a little garlic and olive oil and add some chopped tomatoes with red, green and yellow peppers. I could put that over some pasta and garnish it with some freshly shredded asiago. Sounds like a good dinner and not a recipe in sight.
  Learning how to knit has started me off on these tentative endeavors. I was practicing stitches and realized that some of them look good together. I could make a scarf using these stich patterns. I could randomly go from one to another. It could look really nice. It would also be unique. No other scarf would look quite like that one.
  Then I learned to crochet granny squares. I could use all the leftover bits of yarn that I had. I could take all these granny squares and make a little cat blanket out of them. It would be like a crocheted version of a patchwork quilt.
  I wrote an email to Dana thanking her for spending time with me. I also thanked her for her inspiration. She answered back in her usual sage way, "You have an internal core of creativity. You're just afraid of what people will say about it."
  She had hit the nail squarely on the head. She was right. I was raised to do it right or don't do it at all. When you are worried that your effort is less than perfect you can't really create things. You have to be able to appreciate when things don't turn out like the picture in your head. You must be fearless. It may be that what you have actually made is better than what you imagined.
  I no longer need to be envious. My creations may not win awards or make lots of money, but if it makes someone feel happier or keeps someone warm on a cold day it will be worth it.