Happiness

   A few days ago a Facebook friend of mine shared an article from the New York Times. I would have skimmed right over it, but C insisted I read it. It's title is 'Love People, Not Pleasure'. It points out that fame and fortune tend to make people unhappier rather than happier. (Mind you this is a very simplistic statement. There is much more to the article and I recommend reading it.)
   Can I get a big "Duh" here? This is a concept that has been preached over and over again. Most religions advocate such a stance. A few self-help programs teach it. Philosophers have philosophized about it. Everyone pretty much ignores it. It's not really true, right. We all know that he (or she) who dies with the most toys wins.
   The message that bigger is always better, more is always better than less and that keeping up with the Joneses, the Kardashians and the Trumps is really what we all need to do dominates. Being happy with what you have is not good for business, ratings or anything else. If you aren't trying to get the next big thing whether it be job, house or girl/boyfriend then you aren't ambitious. You aren't with it. You're old school.
  I was thinking about this in the morning when I do my daily run. We all have been taught at some time in our lives that the best way to make yourself happy is to do something for someone else. It seems a little counter intuitive. If you are unhappy do something for someone else.
  I was thinking about how I used to spend my birthday. I used to get a pedicure or a facial or a make-up lesson. I would spend the day doing what ever I wanted to do usually alone. I would buy myself a new ring or necklace. It was all right. I had fun. I would bring a birthday cake to wherever I was working at the time and share it. I loved sharing my cake. I liked to think of how I would decorate it. Sharing the cake was one of the best parts of my birthday.
   Somewhere along the line I got in to the habit of going out for lunch. At first it was alone, later on it would be with someone else. This then became the tradition of actively taking someone out to lunch.
  This has now become the tradition of taking friends out to lunch on my birthday. The one hard and fast rule is that it is my treat. Some friends of mine were a little reluctant at first, after all the birthday girl should be the one who is treated to lunch not the one who treats others. I tell people that it is a superstition. If I don't buy then I'll have bad luck all year. It's a way of expressing thanks. I've been blessed with one more year of life and in gratitude I want to buy lunch. To be perfectly honest, I have a bit of a selfish motive. I like buying lunch. It makes me feel good to share with others. It is true. Doing something for others can make you happy.
  Another source of unhappiness listed in the article is social media. It's not the first time I've heard about places like Facebook causing unhappiness. Everyone is doing well. It could be hard not to look at what everyone else has and compare it to what you don't.
  I don't see it that way. I have reconnected with a friend on Facebook. I have friends that post interesting and uplifting things on Facebook. I like looking at the pictures people post. I especially like looking at wedding pictures. I like looking at the happy faces of brides and grooms. It is even more interesting when a couple who has been married for while posts a wedding picture. Either they haven't changed or they look nothing like what they do now.
   I guess it's how you use it. You can be upset that no one has "liked" your last post or the picture of your latest hairstyle or you can just not let it bother you. You can worry that you don't have as many friends as the people you know or be happy that you know as many people as you do.
   I was looking for a good quote to end this column. I found this one by Margaret Young.
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want."
   I can't end it better than that.