No Longer Scared

   I was almost home from my Small Town Toastmaster meeting when I realized something. It made me very happy and if I hadn't been driving, I would have done a victory dance. Instead I took one hand off the wheel and did a few celebratory fist pumps.
   What made me happy is that I had crossed the Lafayette Bridge and didn't even notice that I had done so.
  A little background is in order here. When we moved to our current home, I had to find a new route to my Toastmaster's meetings. The route I used to take was going to take too long. There were several routes I could take and I tried them. One worked really well to get to my meeting, but did not work so well when I tried to get home.
  The route that worked the best for getting home took me over the Lafayette bridge. The problem was that I was scared of that bridge. I've always been a little nervous about driving over bridges. My particular fear of the Lafayette came when the I35 bridge collapsed in 2007. At the time of the collapse the Lafayette was considered another bridge that could be the next to collapse if certain structures on it were breached even a little bit.
  Every Thursday when I would come home from Toastmasters, I'd take a deep breath and say a short prayer as I drove onto the on ramp for the bridge. I would feel my palms getting sweaty and my heart would migrate into my throat. I would drive across that bridge as quickly as I could mentally cursing at drivers who were slow or would stop. I just wanted to get over that bridge without having a panic attack.
  Winter was even worse. I was always scared that I would somehow spin out and go right into the river. The guard rails just didn't seem high enough for me. I saw a car once balanced on the guardrail. The front of the car was hanging over the water. The back half hanging over the bridge. A six foot wall would have been fine with me. I don't mind if I can't see the river.
  Once a week I would nervously drive over that bridge wondering if I would get to the other side in one piece. Once I was over the land again I would feel much better.
   I wondered if I would ever stop getting nervous when I had to cross that bridge. There was no real reason to be nervous. The state was keeping an eye on it after the 2007 disaster. They were doing construction on it to build a new bridge. Worrying was not helping me any. The bridge was fine.
   If only my quaking insides would believe that.
   Then it happened. A few weeks ago I noticed that my hands weren't leaving sweat marks on the steering wheel. In fact I had driven over the bridge and had not really noticed it. I felt....normal. Could it be??? Could I have really overcome my fear of the Lafayette Bridge?
   I must have. Somewhere along the line I managed to convince myself that there was nothing to worry about. All I needed to do was drive in a safe manner and I would be fine. It felt good to know that I had conquered this. I had nothing to fear. I am no longer scared.