The Talk

   I came home from work Wednesday and sat down at the computer. First thing I wanted to do was check my email. I had several messages, but one caught my eye immediately. It was from Bishop Campbell and had one word in the subject line, Church.  I was pretty sure I knew what the note would contain. I was going to be asked to help teach a lesson or speak at Sacrament Meeting.
  A bit of background is in order here. A few months ago I was asked to offer a prayer before a lesson of the women's group. I has been under the impression that, as a non member, I was not permitted to do this and told this to the woman who asked me. She looked pretty confused, I can understand. Unless you pay close attention to what I do at church, you can't tell that I'm not a member. I thought it might be a good idea for me to make sure I was right, since it looked like such requests could be made to me in the future.
  I sent Bishop Campbell an email with my question. He let me know that I was allowed to pray when asked,to participate in any lesson as I saw fit and that I was allowed to speak at Sacrament Meeting if asked to speak. Lack of membership was not going to protect me from this.
  Since then I was mentally preparing myself for the time when I would be asked to do more than just sit in a lesson and participate. The Bishop knows I am in Toastmasters and knows that I'm also a fairly good writer as well.
   I opened the email. It was a request to speak at Sacrament Meeting. He was going to be travelling part of the evening and needed to speak with me. It was nearly ten o'clock at night. I hesitated. Except for one friend who lives in another time zone, I don't call people after nine PM. I asked C what I should do. He told me to call.
  I dialed the number and after a few rings a tired sounding Bishop Campbell answered the phone. He told me the topic, gave me my time limit and told me that I would be speaking either second or third of four speakers. I was happy about that. I dislike speaking first and the last speaker sometimes has to speak longer. I hung up the phone with a big smile on my face. This was going to be so cool. Since I had the weekend off, I would have plenty of time to prepare.
  That night I didn't sleep well, because I was planning out my talk in my head. I drove to Toastmasters thinking about my talk the whole way. I was excited and pleased to be asked. I was looking forward to it.
  Then I stopped myself. Was it wrong to be so enthusiastic? A lot of people who give talks don't seem to look forward to it. It's something that you have to do when asked not something that you look forward to doing. I couldn't help myself though. I was honoured that Bishop Campbell thought I had something to say the could benefit the Ward.
   By Friday morning I had the talk mostly written in my head. That's how I do it. I write it in my head and then use an outline on note cards to guide me. If I had more lead time I would memorize the talk and do without the note cards. When I was done I had 16 neatly written cards. That was perfect. Now I needed to time out my talk and practice it.
   The talk timed out just where I wanted it at seven minutes and 15 seconds. This was slightly over my five to seven minute allowed time, but I know I talk a bit faster sometimes so I would be fine.
   Then I started to practice. I would be speaking at the lectern, so I stood in front of a rail in the living room to practice. It was the closest thing to a lectern I had. When I give a  Toastmaster speech I don't use a lectern so I can move about the front of the room. I also needed to practice using my cards so they wouldn't distract. It was frustrating. I kept fumbling words and mixing up phrases. Practicing is always frustrating for me. I seldom manage to do a speech flawlessly in practice. I would practice,do something else and then practice again. This keeps me from getting too frustrated with myself.
   I admit I put a certain amount of pressure on myself. As someone who has been in Toastmasters over 10 years, I felt that I needed to be perfect. Anything less would be a poor reflection on the skills that I had learned. I gave myself a mental shake. This was not about perfection. This was about preparing as much as I could and then giving the best talk that I could give on Sunday morning. The important thing was my message. As long as I can get it across, it would be all right.
   Today I'm going to practice some more, including one run through in front of C. ( I prefer not to have an audience when I practice.) Tomorrow I'm going to do my best. That's all I need to do.